Why can't Tom Maynard play cricket anymore Because he's dead

thumb_up thumb_down +17

A man walks into a bakery and buys a doughnut. He then starts to drive home when he realised that he'd forgoten to eat the doughtnut and has to returne to do so.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

-if you're American in the kitchen, British in the living room, what are you in the bathroom? -in the bathroom.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

How did the man die? He was killed alive.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

What do you call Batman and Robin after they are run over by a steam roller? Dead

thumb_up thumb_down +17

A blonde and a brunette are stuck on a desert island, they later died of starvation.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Why are plants green? Plants are green due to the chloroplast organelles found in their cells. These membrane bound organelles are exclusive to plant cells and are used to convert sun light to usable chemical energy. This energy is stored in the form of ATP molecules, or adenosine triphosphate. When one of the three phosphate groups of an ATP molecule is removed, the molecule releases the energy put into this bond and becomes ADP, or adenosine diphosphate. Throughout this process, the organelle fulfills its sole function and at the same time gives plants their green color our eyes perceive today.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Roses are red violets are orange......... Wait did I do that wrong?

thumb_up thumb_down +17

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding a grizzly bear in your apple

thumb_up thumb_down +17

What is pink, smelly, and sometimes gets wet? A pink sponge.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?". The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then the man returned and said, "My friend does not have a pulse and he is not breathing, so I stand by my prior assumption."

thumb_up thumb_down +17

How do you kill an Asian? Poke him with a large fork until hes dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

what's worse than getting a paper cut? Hiroshima

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Two Irish men walks out of a bar

thumb_up thumb_down +17

a guy jumped out of a plane...he died

thumb_up thumb_down +17

How does your sister ride a bicycle? My sister does not have any legs.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

why are black people good at basketball cuz their tall

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Q: What happened when three lions escaped from the zoo? A: Animal patrol came and tranquilized all three.. Unfortunantly one of the lions died from to much tranq.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

A homosexual walks into a church

thumb_up thumb_down +17

What's funnier than poop? More poop

thumb_up thumb_down +17

What's the difference between God and Kanye West? God doesn't think he's Kanye West.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

A man rode into town on Friday and stayed a while and then left on Friday how did he manage this?

thumb_up thumb_down +17

What do you get when you cross a turtle and a kangaroo? A hybrid combination of the two that is characterized by specific traits of both animals.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

How many Jews foes it take to screw in a lightbulb? 1...like... I'm confused that you... I mean screwing in a lightbulb isn't that hard.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops