Why did Jimmy fail his math test? Because he had a mental disability

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9/11

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A Psychologist said that I am a pessimist... Figures.

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(Pretend that your adopted, and no one loves you) Knock Knock Who's there? Not your parents.

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Michael Hoffman leaves the gym

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What did the Mexican say to the Black guy? Nice to meet you Mr. President. I'm Antonio Villaraigosa, the Mayor of Los Angeles.

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How do you know if it's to late to turn your homework in? When the time allotted is up.

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Curiosity killed the cat! No, the tire of a vehicle did.

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A:Will you be my valentine? B:No

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Why is Alan in the hospital? Because he got cancer.

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What did the grandson inherit when his grandmother died? Nothing, they both were killed in a tragic car accident.

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A patient walks into a clinic and says, "Doctor, Doctor! I feel like a pair of curtains!" The doctor replies, "I have no interest in whether or not you feel like purchasing items to spruce up your home."

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justin bieber

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What did one muffin say to the other muffin? Nothing because muffins can't talk. The other muffin replied, 'What an odd conversation starter!'

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What did the muffin say to the oven? Obviously nothing since neither one can talk.

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Hashtag

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Why did the fat man hit the ground before the skinny man? Because he jumped first.

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What's worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm? Having sexaual relations with your own mother.

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your mom is so poor that she is unable to pay for your child care leaving you to have a terrible childhood, troubled adolescence, and eventually lie passed out in an alley after OD'ing off of heroin.

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what long hard and in a tight hole? a penis in a vagina

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How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck would? Probably a lot of wood.

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Listen Nero, lol "listen", anyway, you seem pretty quick to take the blame for my mistakes here, I mean sigh... ...I would never send anyone to harass anyone, but then again I should never allowed them to join in the first place, how bad is that eye doing by the way? I am deeply sorry, I never meant for anything like this to happen. I am eating as I write, I mean I am still scared, I would not blame you if you still keep burning anger towards me.

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What do you call a man with no arms and no legs, flotaing in the sea? Someone who will drown very soon.

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How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to screw in a light bulb? To get to the other side!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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