Knock Knock Who's there? You You Who? Yes? Can I help you madam?

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Why the FFUUU did you go back? Because I broke something huur.

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What did the fat man say to the Spaniard? Nothing. The Spaniard was skinny and so the fat man was jealous and shot him in the face.

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Smoke Day, Every Weed.

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Why don't bats have penises? They do. I tried. Menstruation.

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the awkward moment when your mom wakes you up and you realize she died six years ago

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knock knock whos there banana banana who knock knock whos there orange orange who orange you glad I didn't say banana

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A black man "walks into" a club. Several minutes later he is dead. The police, in a later press conference, refuse to admit that the club ever left the officer's belt.

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. I got a brother. He's bigger then you.

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Why are Mexicans so good at jumping, swimming and running? They aren't. You're just racist.

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What do you call a person with no arms or legs rolling around in leaves? I don't know that seems like a highly improbable situation

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Alcoholic walks into a bar and then walks out because he promised his children and wife that he would straight out his life.

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Roses are red. Violets are red. Daisies are red. WHY IS MY GARDEN ON FIRE?

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Why did the little girl fall off the swing? Because she had no arms.

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What do you call a woman with one leg shorter than the other? Whatever her name is.

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knock knock who's there? hope

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Ask me if I'm wearing pants. Are you wearing pants? Yeah.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the hospital because his wife has multiple STD's

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what has four legs but cant move? dead dog

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I think I am done here friend, it always comes to this, it has always been easier for me to repair whatever is wrong with others and get my kicks out of that, as I know I can and will repair everything wrong with myself, but its hard as hell, I mean I never give up, ever. But that does not change the fact that I am broken, and that simply deciding that I am not, is far from enough, its a choice indeed, but its like deciding to constantly walk trough hell, and sometimes that hell is also called living, that too is always a choice, And believe me, I would never quit, I guess that if this hell I struggle trough has so many nice things in it, it just feels like hell at times. I mean the main motivation behind my ability to help others, has always been searching for answers low and high, and when what I have learned trough life helps others, but barely scratches the surface of the armor I am confined within, I lose hope, do you believe that my desire to help humanity grow, derived from my own incompetence at curing myself?

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What do you call a kid with no arms, no legs, and an eyepatch? Names.

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Why did the man tell the child to get into the van? They were late for a field trip.

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Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?". The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then the man returns and says, "My friend does not have a pulse, so I stand by my prior assumption that he is dead."

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What did the man say when he was stabbed on the street? Nothing, because he died.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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