you momas so fat, you momas so ugly Your mother's breasts sag with such severity that the late great Salvador Dali mistook them for cloth.

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An astronaut and a cosmonaut are sitting in a bar, discussing who was better. The cosmonaut says, "We Russians were the first people in space!" The astronaut says, "That may be true, but we were the first to land on the moon my friend." The cosmonaut turns back to the astronaut and says, "Yes, but we shall be then first to ever land on the Sun!" So, the astronaut skeptically asks, "And how do you intend to do that?" The cosmonaut replies, "Simple.......we will go at night." Thank you to David Cross

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A young girl walks into a dark alley. She emerges a few minutes later unharmed and goes about her day.

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What is black, white and red all over? A nun in a blender

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how do you make a baby float take you foot of its head

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Why did the Mexican cross the road? Because he wanted to get to the other side.

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what does a jew want most for hanukkah? presents

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A man walks into a bar. "Excuse me sir," he asks, "may I have a beer?" "No," says the bartender.

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It's raining, it's pouring The old man is snoring He went to bed, he bumped his head Got a brain hemorrhage and died in his sleep.

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knock knock. who's there pismil pismil who pigsmil cookies

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Why did the pollock jump into the sea? A pollock is a fish.

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Stephen Hawking walks into a bar.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side! That is a joke which very few people would find even mildly entertaining.

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How many dead babies can you fit in a trash can? 12- 18 (depending on size) I know this because i use to work at a abortion clinic

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What couldn't the stereotypical pirate get into the movie? Well, considering that the stereotypical pirate existed in the sixteenth to eightteenth centuries and the first motion picture wasn't made until the mid to late nineteenth century, also the technology for time travel does not exist nor has it ever, I would have to derive that he was not let in due to the fact that there was no way for him to ever exist at the same time that a movie would have been playing.

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You.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? He was dead.

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What do you a a toilet with fecal matter in it? A toilet.

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What's brown and says "Hey, I'm a dog"? A talking dog, able to grasp the English language.

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Why didn't Betty ride her bike to school? She had no legs.

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knock knock. I have a doorbell, you don't have to knock.

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Chikin nuggets

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You are such a loner nothing even clings to you, not even plastic wrap!!

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Reduce, reuse, recycle Anti-joke.com

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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