Who is the best person to do your nails with? Nobody, you have no friends.

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When writing haikus Sometimes, I miscount the syllables See, that line has eight.

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Roses are red Violets are blue There's nothing else I want to say

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what worse than bitting into an apple and finding a worm bitting into a worm and finding an apple

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Q.How many dinosaur species can jump as high as a house? A.All of them, houses can't jump

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What is the difference between a lion and a tiger? A lion ,on average, weighs 31 kilograms more.

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Why did the boy fall off the swing? Because it broke...

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Two guys went to a bar, and the bartender said, hey you guys want to hear a funny joke? "Sure" said the guys. The bartender started telling: Anyway, there was this time two guys at a bar, and the bartender said, hey you guys want to hear a funny joke? "Sure said the guys" At this point, the bartender started telling: Anyway, there was this time two guys at a bar, and the bartender said, hey you guys want to hear a funny joke? "Sure said the guys" At this point, the bartender started telling: Anyway, there was this time two guys at a bar, and the bartender said, hey you guys want to hear a funny joke? "Sure said the guys" At this point, the bartender started telling: Anyway, there was this time two guys at a bar, and the bartender said, hey you guys want to hear a funny joke? (when you are done start reading from the top again, and don't stop ever)

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Three guys, stranded on a desert island, find a magic lantern containing a genie, who grants them each one wish. The first guy wishes he was off the island and back home. The second guy wishes the same. The third guy wishes the same.

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I saw a woman get burned alive on the news... That woman was my mom.

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Johnny tried talking to his dog, there was no response.

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Knock Knock! Who’s there? Alligator! I'm positively sure that Alligators are unable to talk, now please tell me who this is before I call the police.

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Dakota Fanning

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2 moose sitting in a tree, suddenly there came a boat and landed in the tree next to them, then said one of the moose, he probably lives there

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Roses are red Violets are blue we're going to have sex because i'm stronger than you

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A man shouts a women crossing the road "Oi, get your rat out love!" So she did, and it savaged his face.

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Q. whats the difference between a jew and a pizza? A. A jew is a human of the jewish religion, and a pizza is food.

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Why did the girl blush when she opened the fridge? Because she saw the salad dressing

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why was the giraffes head so far away from his body? because he has a long neck

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Whats the first thing you do when your grandmother gets hit by a toaster? Buy a new toaster.

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No, you think faster smarter and harder than everyone I know, you change and adapt faster for each day, sometimes I just think one has to stop asking oneself what makes one happy, and simply choose to be happy.

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TOP COMMENT IS MINE!

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"I see," said the deaf man, to the blind man, who had no ears.

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Cool story bro. Tell it again.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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