So a man walks into a bar carrying a giant clock. One of his friends asks, "Hey, whats up with the clock?" His friend then responds, "A goddamned genie gave it to me, i can't take it anymore. Here take his lamp." The man decided to rub the lamp and thinks to himself, "Gee, I'm gonna wish for 1 million dollars." The genie comes out and asks the man, "What wish could i grant you today?" The man says, "I wish i could have 1 million dollars!!" The genie replies, "As you please." All of a sudden, a studded dog collar appears. Then another, and another. Soon there were 1 million dog collars in the bar. The man yells, "WHAT IS THIS?!?! I DIDNT WISH FOR 1 MILLION COLLARS!!!" His friend then replies, "I didn't wish for a giant clock either...."

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What is green and has 4 wheels?... Grass, I lied about the wheels

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What's the difference between Paris Hilton and a cow? Cows are ruminants, meaning that they have a digestive system that allows use of otherwise indigestible foods by regurgitating and rechewing them as "cud". Paris Hilton, on the other hand, is a human being. Therefore, her stomach digests the bolus (masticated food) only after it has exited the oesophagus into the body of the organ, where it is digested into chyme and then passed through the pyloric sphincter into the duodenum.

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What does a lonely man do on opposite day? I don't know. Why should we know what he does, that is both weird and illegal. Stalking is a serious crime and should not be used. We do not know what he does on normal days, thus we cannot come to a conclusion to this question. However, I do hypothesize that he must be social on this day because this is the opposite of lonely.

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A duck walks up to a lemonade stand and he said to the man running the stand, "Hey! Got any grapes?" The man then realized he was hallucinating because ducks are unable to speak proper english.

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Is it better to be born black or gay? No way to know. That is, unless you are black and gay.

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Why did the duck cross the road? Hurricane Katrina

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Q: Whats the difference between a pile of dead babys and a Ferrari? A: I dont have a Ferrari in my garage.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To look at the most interesting man in the world.

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Roses are blue Violets are red I'm colour blind Which is sometimes quite annoying

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Why not?

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Jimmy went for a walk in the jungle, and he got lost!!

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A man has had too many beers late at night. The bartender says "Sir, I'm going to have to cut you off"

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Q:Wats worse then cutting ur lawn A: diarea on a sunday morning

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How do you make Lady Gaga cry? Make hurtful and upsetting remarks about her person.

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Why was the asian bad at sex? Because he was 5 years old

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A squirrel is about to steal the eggs of a sparrow when the sparrow suddenly says, "Stop! I will do anything if you would spare my eggs!" The squirrel has no capacity to reason and so steals the eggs anyway. The sparrow is devastated.

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Roses are brown Violets are brown Everything's brown Who shit on my flowers

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what did the boy with no arms and no legs get for his birthday? a new bike.

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Roses are red Violets are FUCKING VIOLET NOT FUCKING BLUE

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How did the guy feel after his wife died? Pretty shitty, I'd imagine..

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Q: Why is Santa's sack so big? A: Because he only cums once a year

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How do you make a black person mad? Set his house on fire.

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What's long, hard and full of semen? An erect penis prior to ejaculation.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops