A Sloth runs...

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What weights more than a 300 pound man? A 400 pound man.

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding a pressure-sensitive explosive device.

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meh

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How many dead babies can you fit in a bath tub? 27

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You know what's catchy? A cold

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Why is six afraid of seven? Because seven is an active member of a taliban.

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What do people say when a dyslesic person scores a goal in soccer good job that was a nice goal

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Why did Jorge eat Larry's face? He was on bath salt.

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Dad, they tell me I am a slowpoke at school, what can I do? ... Eh son, this is mommy, your dad died ten years ago remember?

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How many guys does it take to change a light bulb? Probably just one.

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Psychic wanted. You know where to apply.

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why did the husband always work late nights? he needed the extra hours to provide for his family

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Cheese stick

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How do you kill a blonde? The blonde you were planning on killing, Sarah, arrives home from a rather tiring run. She lets her hair down from her ponytail, and even though she is a little sweaty At the moment, you realize what a beautiful woman she really is. You decide to ask her to marry You, and after she says yes, you two make passionate love in the front seat Of your 2011 Cadillac Escalade.

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how do you wake up lady gaga? you set her alarm for the intended time

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Roses are red Violets are blue If i gave a rats ass I'd worry about you

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Their is a stripper, a prostitute, and a pole dancer on a plane that is about to crash. They all die.

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Bob: Hey Jim, what's up? Jim: Obviously the sky, oh and i see a few planes too. by the way why are you asking me why don't you just look up?

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Why did the boy fall off the swing? Because while he was swinging, his friends dared him to jump off and called him a chicken when he didn't. Still hesitant, he tried to jump off, but his arm caught on the swing chain and he fell face first into the tanbark. He needs reconstructive surgery to repair his face.

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What happens when you divide by zero? According to the limits in Calculus, 1/x as x approaches 0 becomes closer to infinity, so we can safely conclude that if we could divide by zero, it would be a form of infinity. Positive infinity for 1/0, negative infinity for -1/0 and unsigned infinity for 0/0, as zero has no sign.

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Where do you find a dog? At a pet store.

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A child is in the grocery checkout with their parents. It sees the candy display and asks for a pack of Reese's. When the parents do not grant the child's request, they begin to scream and cry. When they arrive home, the child is beaten with a copper rod. The new puppy that the child got for a birthday present is hanged and fed to buzzards.

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why do my feet smell so bad? because i havent washed them for 5 days

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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