What time is it? 12:19. weren't we supposed to leave like 5 minutes ago? 4. For the mall...

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"I love you terribly!" said the girl to her new boyfriend. "For Christ's sakes, Grandma, put your pants back on!"

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How did sally fall off the swings? she had no arms. Knock knock, who is there? Not sally.

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wat do call a joke thats funny a funny joke

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How do you wake Lady GaGa up? set her alarm for a reasonable hour.

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Why do giraffes have long necks? Evolution.

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Me: Tell me I'm a fairy. You: You're a fairy. Me: Poof! You're a bag of shit!

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Your momma's so fat, that if the word for fat was "plachow" I'd say "yeah your momma, she's a little bit plachow."

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Q: How many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: It doesn't matter, the lightbulb never went out in the first place.

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Jim and Larry work together. Jim works hard, and Larry is a bit of a prankster. One day, Jim is having a rather rough day, and Larry looks to cheer him up with a good-natured joke. Knowing that Jim's wife prepares dinner for him every night of the week, he calls her and tells her that their boss has decided to pay for a dinner out, that she should take the day off and just get ready for Jim to come home and pick her up. Larry will later follow up by calling a pizza delivery place and having them send a special no hard feeling message with two large delicious pizzas. He forgets to call the pizza delivery man until later that night, after which it's too late and he thinks "I'll just explain the joke to Jim tomorrow." And goes peacefully to sleep. Arriving home and finding that dinner is not prepared, Jim savagely beats his wife.

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Q: Why did the boy cry? A: He was denied access into heaven

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Two guys were sitting in a pub.

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why did the man come out of the closet? because the dark scares him and it smelled like moth balls

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what is worse than finding a fly in your coffee been raped

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Africa is great, you should get raped

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Why'd the girl commit suicide? Because Justin Bieber admitted he was gay.

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Women's rights

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Why didn't the chicken cross the road... Because he got hurt last week while crossing the road.

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What do you call a tree on fire? A burning tree.

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Knock Knock? WHAT?!?!?

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What is the difference between Jews and the boyscouts? The boyscouts come home from camp.

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Q: Why did the girl fall of her swing? A: She was hit by a rogue fridge. Q: Why didn't she get back up? A: She was quite badly injured.

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Do you think retarded people know that they are retarded? I don't know, you tell me. Wait a second....did you just call me retarded? They are clueless.

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What's the difference between peanut butter and jam ? Among many things, one is made with peanut butter, the other with fruits.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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