What did the otter say to the pumpkin? I'm so glad I'm a walrus

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Q: Where does a hooker go for her footlong? A: Subway

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have 5 fingers, The middle one's for you!

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Why was the baseball player arrested after stealing a base? Because he pulled out a knife and stabbed the shortstop in the chest.

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If Vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat? Probably both plant life, sea-based creatures, and land-based animals. However, depending on the personal preference of the person, they can also be a vegetarian or not. They could also be cannibals, but the literal definition of humanitarian would go against any cannibalistic traditions due to the fact that humanitarians help others for the benefit of humanity as a whole, eating people would go against such beliefs.

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Why do leprechauns laugh when they run through the grass? Because it tickles their nuts.

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Women Drivers.

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A polish, english and african man each were standing on a skyscraper. The african man jumped and died. The polish and enlgish men called 999.

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Whats orange and looks like an orange? An orange.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it is common to find chickens and other wild and/or domesticated animals roaming through the streets in a multitude of countries.

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What do you call Morgan Freeman on a bad day? Samuel L. Jackson.

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What's the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa Claus? Tiger Woods is an American professional golfer whose achievements to date rank him among the most successful golfers of all time and Santa Claus is a very jolly fellow who brings gifts to the homes of the good children during the late evening and overnight hours of Christmas Eve.

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Why did the man go to the restaurant? Because he wanted to get some food.

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Michael J Fox likes his martini's shaken because they taste better that way.

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Why did the passenger plane crash? Well, if not mechanical failure or human error, probably because a bomb was detonated onboard.

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Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 was infamous for stealing people's laundry, and 6 was insecure about his bare body

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Q: how many Pollocks does it take to paint a house? A: 100. 99 to spin the house and 1 to hold the paint brush

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Yo' mama so stupid, she has a lower IQ than the average person.

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What did Helen Keller say when she fell out of a tree? SHFVDHGCIJCBSHG

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What did Billy get his parents for Christmas? Billy's an orphan.

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How do you have sex with an amputee? stick it in the eyes

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Q: How many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: 1

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What did the man say after falling off the bridge? Nothing. He died a painful and terrible death on impact.

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How can you tell if a woman is dead? She has no pulse.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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