What's the difference between a vegetable and my son? Nothing

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A guy sitting at a bar was getting really impatient for his drink, so when the bartender asked if everything was fine, he yelled, "No, it's not! Where the f*** is my drink?!" The bartender replied, "I'm not sure what you're asking, 'cause I don't know what letters the asterisks are replacing."

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Yo mama's so stupid, I told her it was chili outside so she went outside with a spoon.

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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road? Because he's dead

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Two cows are standing in a field One cow says "Mooooo"..... and the other cow says "mooooo" also because they are both cows and cannot speak

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A: Want to hear a funny joke? B: Nah, I'm okay

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Why are mexicans such hard workers? I don't know.

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Oliver's friends

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One time I was playing hide and seek with grandma but I couldn't seem to find her. I asked my sister for help and she told me she was hiding in the living room on the shelf. I went into the living room but all I saw was a vase on the shelf. Grandma probably didn't know the game was over so I opened the vase to tell her. To this day she hasn't come out of the vase.

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What do you call a blue duck that speaks? A dream.

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What's worse then having Casey Anthony babysit your child? A girl asking, "Is it in?"

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How many Jews can you fit in a car? Statistically speaking, in a brief survey done by the United States Traffic Commission, they stated that a standard 4-door sedan had the highest percentile of drivers. So, in regards to the legal system, a person may only fit, in fact, 5 jews in a car.

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A person with OCD walked into a abr.

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guy 1- damn its hot in here guy 2- then turn on the damn fireplace

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Knock knock. Who's there? Jeff. Jeff who? Sh*t. Wrong house.

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in 2001 a man was working happily in his office cubicle and got an email from his boss saying that he had great news for him. filled with excitment he knew he was getting A big promotion and could finally afford that new toy his kid has always wanted. Feeling great the man walks up to the office window to enjoy the view he notices a very large commercial airliner flying straight towards his office.

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What's the worst part about having sex with a two year old? -Hearing the hip bone snap. What's the best part about having sex with a two year old? -Hearing the hip bone snap.

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How do you amuse a blonde? ? tell her to go to antijokes.com ( :

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What do you call a pickle that is sad? A pickle!????

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Q: Why did Rapunzel fall out of the tower? A: Because she was a dumb bitch.

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How do you escape from being enlisted in the army of your nation? Flee to a different country and bring along your valuables.

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Q: where did the pickle live? A: In the desert

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how do you know if a chinese man has been in you house? your homework is done

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Why can't you fool an aborted fetus? Because it was born yesterday.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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