EGGPLANT

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How do you make people run? When someone is behind you, hold the door open and wait.

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Andy Carrol

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There was a man sinking in quick sand. He looked in the sky and said, "God, if you spare my life, I'll be a great person and believe in you all my life." He died.

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brandon ya twwat

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When someone throws a rock at you What do you say? A:Oww

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How many penises is one metric butt-load. Oh God I hope you don't know the answer.

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What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza? Nothing, we eat pizza and we respect Jews.

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A chronic hemophiliac walks into a bar. He cuts his leg and bleeds to death.

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"What do you call a man who has bumblebee wings and fire for blood?" (The doctor on the other line has no answer. Tom desperately weeps into the phone, trying to grasp his sudden transformation. He finds no reassurance, and hangs up the phone.)

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"What happened to John after he got drunk 12 years ago"- police "I don't really don't know that question"- John Jr.

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What's the difference between a woman and a car? A woman is merely a useful object, whereas a car deserves love, care, and respect.

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Whats the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral?? Theres one less drunk.

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Best joke: Okay so I got a joke for ya but it is pretty long so bare with me please. First off, you must have heard a knock knock joke before and you must have a huge sense of humor. So this guy walks into a bar and orders fried chicken wings with hot fudge and vinilla drizzled all over it with a cherry topping. The bartender says, "We don't have that." The guy thinks of anything else he'd like and says, "How about a bucket of turkey and jalapeños?" The bartender looks puzzled and once again says, "This is a bar..." The guy is now paranoid and says, "Fine, I'll just have a thick, juicy, chicken thigh but please remove any excess skin on it, it's unhealthy and I'm on a diet." The bartender slowly removes his apron and walks out of the bar shouting, "I QUIT!" The guy sits there on the barstool laughing as a lady bartender comes to him. "So sorry sir, what would you like? From our bar that we have available?" The guy stares at her, squinting. "By any chance do you know if you have the punch line to this 'joke' because I sure dont." Slowly the woman removes her apron and walks out of the bar. The guy grins, walks out, and says, "job well done today. Where to tomorrow?"

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What worse than the holocaust? Dries Roelvink!

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Did you hear the one about the man who went into the jungle wearing nothing but leopard print underwear? He was suffering from psychogenic fugue disorder and had no idea who or where he was. He was eventually eaten alive by a flesh-eating centipede. When his wife found out, she committed suicide.

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How do you catch wet wood on fire? Ask a business owner in Ferguson, MO, to keep it in their store.

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How can you tell if someones gay? You ask them.

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why did suzy drop her ice cream? she got hit by a bus. knock knock! who's there? not suzy.

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A large man goes into a restaurant and places his order The waiter asks if he would like the weight watchers menu He says no because he doesnt care about his weight

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What's the difference between a Green Grocers and Fighter pilot! One flys a plane and one sells food.

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What does Pontiac stand for? Nothing. Pontiac's were discontinued

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My aunt said slow and steady wins the race....... She died in a fire

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Barack Obama and a kangaroo pull up to a gas station. The gas station attendant takes one look at the kangaroo and says, "You know, we don't get many kangaroos here." Barack Obama replies, "At these prices, I'm not surprised. That's why we need to reduce our dependence on foreign oil."

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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