Why did the potato commit suicide? Forget that. Why was the potato alive in the first place?

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Knock knock. Is someone there?

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What's big, green, fuzzy, and will kill you if it falls out of a tree? A pool table

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what did the robot say to the centipede? Stop being a centipede!

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What did the fat girl say to her friend? I'm fat.

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What did one muffin say to the other muffin Holy shit a talking muffin

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What's green and gets people high? A green helicopter

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A white guy, a black guy, and a spanish guy jump off a building. They all die on impact and their families mourn their loss for years to come.

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What's the difference between a baby and a watermelon? One of them I like to eat, and the other one is a watermelon.

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what did the blind deaf mute boy get for christmas? some nice presents.

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What did the murderer get for Christmas? Executed.

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Roses are red Voilets are blue I have a gun Get in the Van

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Why can't Helen Keller hear or talk straight? Because she's dead

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What do you call a guy with four heart chambers, two pairs of extremities, and an aortic arch? Anatomically normal.

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What is the difference between a black guy and a road? One you put tar on and the other one is a road

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Two scientists are experimenting with sulfuric acid. One scientist says to the other, "Did you see the new intern?" In the process of turning to face the first scientist, the second scientist knocks the beaker over and spills sulfuric acid all over the first scientist's hand. The first scientist writhes in pain as the second scientist rushes to find a strong base to neutralize the burn. After a few minutes, the first scientist is rushed off to the emergency room and suffers from some serious chemical burns.

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No really, try this: You: Say "knock, knock" Your friend: OK, knock knock You: Who's there? Your friend: ...... [this awkward pause makes evident the fact that it has now dawned on your friend that he has to generate content for a joke that he wasn't telling in the first place]

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What did John the accountant do when he saw a flying dog, He woke up from a wonderful dream and started his day

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Whats the difference between babies and basketballs? You cant unload a truck of basketballs with a pitchfork.

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Why do birds fly south in winter? Because its too far to go walking.

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My girlfriend once told me " Life is like a penis, it's hard."

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Why is Dominic's nick name big D? Because the first letter in his name is D.

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What worse than rain Osama Bin Laden

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so there was two ducks in a bathtub. one duck says to the other duck, "hey, can you pass me the soap? the other duck says no.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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