Q: How many burgers did little Johnny eat? A: Involuntary erections.

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The Walmart Scooterwhale (Terracetus obesitus) is the only member of the cetacean family to live in a terrestrial environment. Commonly found in large-scale grocery stores all across North America, it subsists mostly on fattening junk food, microwave popcorn, and beer.

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What do you call a cat with 1 eye, 4 legs, and its tongue out? Road kill.

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what is big white and hurts when it falls on you out of tree? A refrigerator

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Your momma's so fat she has a hard time finding clothes to fit

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What did the farmer say after the chicken started talking? Holy shit a talking chicken

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How many black basketball players does it take to change a lightbulb? One. They're all rather tall therefore they can reach the light source with ease.

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What's grammatically incorrect about this sentence? Nothing. I lied.

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How do you make a cripple cry Cut of his legs, THEN telll him a joke

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What do you get when you cross a Lion and a Shark? You would likely get trouble, seeing as its both animals are quite dangerous and crossing even one of them is ill advised.

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How do you make a lumberjack cry? Kill his family

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Why couldn't the blonde have kids? She had Ovarian Cancer.

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Q: How do you make a fireman cry?? A: Drown his wife

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“When life gives you lemons, don’t make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don’t want your damn lemons, what the hell am I supposed to do with these? Demand to see life’s manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? I’m the man who’s gonna burn your house down! With the lemons! I’m gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!”

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What is pink and stuffy? Pink stuff

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How do you take a picture of a man with a wooden leg? You can't take pictures with wooden legs.

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What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.

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So there was this kid who was sitting on a stool, and the stool started moving. He then realized that stools do not move, so he got up and ran away as quickly as he could.

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Who didnt visit the orphanage this year? Mom...

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Roses are black, Violets are black, Everything's black, Oh wait... I'm blind.

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What's funny about four black guys driving off a cliff in a Cadillac? They were my friends...

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My friend is a famous actor. Fooled you! I have no friends.

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what did the black guy say to the white guy? black guy: hello how are you doing white guy: good i guess.... just heard they shut down KFC black guy: that sucks

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What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a ferarri? I don't have a ferarri in my garage.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops