How do you keep an idiot in suspense?....

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A man walks into a bar with a pack of Marlboros and promptly starts to light a cigarette. The bartender rushes over to stop him. "Hey! We don't allow smoking in here chump! Take it outside." The man replies with a big grin on his face. "Oh no sir. These ain't no ordinary cigarettes. My granddad gave me this pack a decade ago on his death bed." He pulls it out and shows the bartender 19 stale smokes. "He told me that any who took a single drag off any of them would have their biggest wish come true." the man recalled. The bartender had a perplexed look on his face and yelled "What the f*** are you talking about? Get out of here before I curb check your a**!" The man was then hastily escorted out by security. He then died 4 days later from autoerotic asphyxiation.

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What happened to truck full of watermelons careening down the hill? After panicking, the driver was able to gain composure, and shifting the truck into a lower gear, was able to deliver the track safely to the side of the road at the bottom of the ill, where he sat down alongside of the road under the shade of an apple tree, sucking on delicious watermelon.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue. I'm wearing pants and I'm hungry

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How many pancakes does it take to fill up a doghouse? None, because ice cream doesn't have bones.

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your mommas so fat i like fat cows is she home?

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Do you like apples? Yes

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I would rape her

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Why was Jimmy sad? Because he had a frog stapled to his forehead.

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what's better than winning the special olympics? -not being retarded

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What did the turtle say to the hare? Nothing. Animals can't speak.

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A walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Why the long face?" Not getting a response, the disoriented bartender realizes he was talking to his own reflection in the mirror at the back of the bar.

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What's yellow and goes up and down? A banana in an elevator.

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Why are there no aspirin factories in the Amazon Rainforest? Because it would be unprofitable to build a factory that requires a large workforce in an uninhabited area.

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Why did the girl cross the road? Doesn't matter she got hit by a bus.

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Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven's dad owned a shot gun.

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Yeah, but why is this honesty so important for you, personal reasons because you are like that, because you consider me a friend? Or because a single lie, could have catastrophical consequences?

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what do u say when u see your tv floating in the middle of the night? drop it n*****

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A duck quacks in a mountain range. No one on or nearby the mountains hears the duck because ducks' quacks don't echo.

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what do you call a bear with socks on A bear with socks on

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If your scared of paedophiles..... grow up

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Your mom is so stupid she makes stupid people look not stupid.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, You smell like lead, I did a poo.

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Your mommas so fat, that she's really big.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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