why didn't the boy get any presents for his birthday? because when his dad went to the store to get him some presents he ended up buying presents for himself like a huge douchebag.... and the apple doesn't fall from the tree so his son is a douchebag too and doesn't deserve presents.

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What happened to the boy who spilled his fruit punch on the president? He was offered a new one compliments of Obama himself.

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What's the difference between a plum and an elephant? They're both purple but the elephant is gray.

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roses are red violets are blue get to close to me ill have to give aids to you!

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What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? Wheres my tractor?

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j

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What do you call a man with no home or family? Charles Manson…He currently resides in jail.

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How do you get rich? Sell knives at warped tour.

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A man called the police and was later arrested for murdering himself,

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Q What did the Whale say to the Giraffe? A Why are you in the ocean?

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Two muffins are sitting next to each other in the dessert. A hungry and lost man passes by and considered eating one of the muffins. Unfortunately he can't make a decision in time and took of in his 4-wheel drive. The next day a camel walks by and eats one of the muffins. The camel dies instantly, apparently the muffin the camel ate was poisoned. The now not so hungry and lost man looks at the dead camel and noticed the zoo is almost closing now. So he left in a hurry, to cook for his family.

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2 nuns were in a bathtub. One says to the other "Could you pass me the soap please?" The other replies, "What do you think I am, a radio?"

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What did dick Cheney say to his friend that he accidentally shot in the face while quail hunting? Sorry for shooting you in the face

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What do you get when you cross a hippo with a dishwasher? 7 7 7 7 7 7 7 7 7 7 7 7 7 7 7 7 7 7 7 7 7

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What did the man say to g**guy we are both g**

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Youre in your car, and you stop at a light you see a home less person holding a sign that says "Home less and hungry, anything helps." You ask if they want a box of cereal, "No thanks." They replied, you ask why not? "Well, I really just want to go to the movies."

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Why did the whale rape a guy? He wanted to see what would happen.

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What's brown and sticky? A stick!

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"bluar blah blah blarRR/ the stupid pointless part" dead people/ animals/ objects can't talk/ drive/ operate compueter, lol I'm so focken funni

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A horse walks into a bar, and the bartender says,"Why the long face?" The horse replies,"I have terminal cancer."

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What did the woman say just before she was stabbed eleven times in the chest thus killing her? Nothing, she had been gagged.

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Wanna hear a joke about my penis? Oh wait; it would be quite unsanitary to talk about my genitals in front of you.

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Q: Why was the boy so sad? A: His parents were just killed in a car wreck, therefore orphaning him and his five brothers and sisters and leaving them with no money, food, or shelter due to lack of steady income and the fact that their house had been foreclosed on.

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Chuck Norris can right-click with a mac mouse

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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