roses are red, violets are blue, I have a gun, get in the van

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A man walks into a room with a sly grin on his face, "Tom, have I got a joke to tell YOU!" Tom hurriedly shoos Susie into her bedroom and tells her to lock the door and not open it no matter what. Tom turns to the man, "I've told you twice before to never come back here, I'm beginning to think that you probably don't take what I say very seriously because you might have some sort of chemical imbalance or something in your head, or maybe you're obsessed with my family or something!" The man hangs his head in shame and agrees with Tom, but Tom still had to do something about the intruder so he called the cops. The cops took him to get psychologically analyzed, but Tom didn't know this because he only cared that his daughter Susie was safe and he also doesn't have access to the testing facility's records. Tom is an only father.

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Why do some RVs have 2 doors? Because 11 would be too many.

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Do you know what's funny about the holocaust? Nothing, it was an unspeakably evil act by a deranged man who should never have been given the power to command a nation

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Want to know who gets head a lot? Balloons

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Q: why did the boy fall off his bike? A: he wasn't very coordinated

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17 people are eating doritos in a cafeteria. Then, one gets up and throws their bag away. Then the joke ended. Haha it actually didn't.

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What's the difference between a black person and a white person? They have different skin tones.

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What did Niel Patrick Harris do after coming out of the closet? He grabbed his jacket and went for a delightful stroll in the park.

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What's black and white and red all over? A exploding zebra.

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What is the siilarity between Justin beiber and pinoccio? they both waant to be real boys

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What's worse than a worm in your apple? People posting the same joke over and over again.

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What's the last thing that went through John F Kennedy's head? a bullet

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A duck walks into a bar and says he needs to buy a hammer. The bartender tells him that he's probably looking for the hardware store across the street. The duck realizes that he's disoriented again and should listen to his wife's many pleadings to get back on his medication.

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what do you call a black guy on steroids? a black guy on steroids

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you know what sucks more than getting raped by a gorilla? getting raped by two gorillas.

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Q: How many vaginas does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: Just one.

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How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb? One, it's just a lightbulb

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Why didn't the skeleton go to the dance? He was buried under 6ft of solid earth.

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what is the square root of pi? crust^2 + Cool Whip

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Like my status for a tbh?

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Knock Knock Whos there Reality* Knock Knock *Opens Door*

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Why did the casual smoker have terrible teeth? He very rarely brushed them.

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What do you call a man that was decapitated by a stray saw blade? An ambulance until when you have a reality check and realize that in the mass hysteria of witnessing such a horrific event that this man is already dead. You then callan undertaker, his family and his friends to attend his funeral in a week or so. You then walk over to him and cry.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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