A duck walks into a 7-11 and says "Give me some Chap-stick, and put it on my bill!" But the cash register attendee doesn't speak English and cannot understand him. He does, however, question whether his God is punishing him because, as all people know, ducks cannot speak. However, this hallucination must be punishment for a horrid misdeed. The employee breaks down into tears and begins reciting a prayer. The duck, slightly miffed, walks out, pondering why he'd need Chap-stick anyway, since he has no lips.

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You know you're dyslexic when life gives you melons.

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Why did the girl stop smoking? Because her mum asked her to.

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What musical band do you get if you keep shouting while in the mountain? The rolling stones. What do you get if you keep shouting in a snow covered mountain top? Blizzard Entertainment.

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I got 99 problems, and most of them involve my terminal illness.

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rozes r read violots r bue i cannt soell causse ima bliend

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Q:What do you call a cow with no legs? A:A hamburger.

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What did the boy with no arms and legs get for christmas? A present.

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Why couldn't the morbidly obese man get on a cruise ship? He didn't have a ticket.

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woman's lacrosse

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Why is the alien dead as a door-nail? Because the door-nail was never alive nor could it ever be dead therefore the alien must have never existed just like the life and death of the door-nail.

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What's facial hair? Hair that slowly progresses to grow out of certain areas on your face.

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What's the difference between a black man and a bench? The bench isnt going anywhere.

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What did the black man say when he jumped in the pool? The water's nice, you should join me.

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1,000 americans jump off a plane. They all die as a result of not having parachutes.

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What does a penguins wear on it's feet? Nothing penguins are incapable of wearing foot wear, also they do not have feet they are called 'flippers'.

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Wanna here a funny joke? Will is straight HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA hes gay

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roses are blue violets are red crap i screwed up dont judge me

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French man: Bonjour! English man: um, i am not french! french man: oh, My chat is on this beautiful country! Her name is Valentina! English man: What you poo in the open and name them?

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Roses are red violets are blue I'm gonna rape you with a stick

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What's the difference between a park bench and a black man? Nothing. They're both capable of supporting a family of three.

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What do you get when you cross Skyrim and Call of Duty? A video game that has similarities to Skyrim and Call of Duty.

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how do you kill chuck norris? you dont, killing is illegal

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What did the woman say to her abusive husband? You're hurting me.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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