What does a dog in a microwave look like? You tell me, I normally close my eyes when I jack off

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Friends are like potatoes - when you eat them they die.

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why did hellen kellers dog run away? because if your name was awughunguh you'd run too.

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Why are bannanas bendy? Because unlike cucumbers bannas are not grown in a tube and are left to grow at their own pace.

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Why did the scarecrow get promoted? He was outstanding in his field

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What did the octopus say to the squid? Nothing, considering these two species can't speak.

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There once was a man from Nantucket Who was stung on the head by a wasp When asked if it hurt he replied, 'not a bit, and he could do it again if he'd like to.'

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knock knock Who's there? The Police! Your under arrest.

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._____________________. Whale!

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Why did George shaw fall off the swin?. Because he got a bowl thrown at his head

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What did the wife get her husband after they had intercourse? A sandwich, because she loved him and knew he was hungry.

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How do you make a plumber cry? Murder his family.

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Why did the black homeowner default on his house? He was paying significantly more in mortgage than the actual market value of the home, since he purchased his property before the housing bubble. He carried out a cost/benefit analysis and derived the conclusion that he was effectively destroying his own wealth by paying his mortgage bills.

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why were the African, Asian and Mexican men thrown out of the bar the barman was a racist

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Why did Lebron go to Miami? Because Chuck Norris told him to.

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What type of pants do Mario and Luigi wear? Levi or Denim, I'm not sure why but probably because you can get a nice fitting pair for only a couple of bucks.

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oh whatever donald trump's not going to be president. stop pretending he is

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A man walks into a bar.. and has a bomb strapped to his chest

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What is blue and feels like fluff? Blue fluff

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Why did Suzy fall off the swing? Because she didn't have any arms! Knock knock! Who'z there? Not Suzy.

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Alan: My Grandfather was in the SS and has a leather jacket made jews he killed. Me: Really? Alan: No, i'm korean. My grandfather wouldnt be allowed into the SS.

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Once there was a girl named Andrea

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what do you call a black guy african american

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Q: Who would win in a fight, Chuck Norris, or a Tank? A: Chuck Norris, because his hidden fist in his chin gives him 3 fists to the tank's 0.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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