Knock knock. Who's there? John. John who? John. John Anderson. Dude we've been friends since first grade! You really don't remember me? I'm going home!

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Roses are red Violets are red Tulips are red Bushes are red Trees are red OH SH*T MY GARDEN IS ON FIRE!!!!!

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if your were a slu* what would you do dance on a pole or get a tattoo

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A hundred dollar bill falls in the middle of an intersection. Equally distanced from the bill stand a Jew, a Black, a White Supremacist and an Arab. Wouldn't it suck to be on this street? I am sure violence will ensue. Wouldn't want to be caught in the crossfire.

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What's the best way to toss a salad? With a salad spinner from the home shopping network.

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why did the little boy drop his icecream? he was hit by a train

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Want to hear a joke? Justin Bieber's talent.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it wanted to.

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Q. What's long and hard and full of seamen? A. A penis. Oops, I misspelled "semen". Sorry. Also, to clarify, this doesn't describe the normal state of the average penis. Usually they are flaccid, and they can only be said to be "full of semen" at the exact moment of ejaculation.

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A man brings his entire family in to meet a show producer. The producer says, "Okay, let's see what you got." The man then proceeds to lead his family through a variety of acts, including showcasing the proper way to drink English tea and how to dress for a polo match. When they finish, the producer asks, "And just what do you call your act?" To which the man replies, "The Aristocrats!"

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How do you stop a bus? You press the brake pedal, causing the brake pads to squeeze the tires. Which will slow the momentum of the bus to the point of stopping.

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What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? Where's my tractor?

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What has 3 legs? An abnormal human.

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Knock Knock Sorry, I'm in a full body cast and can't answer the door.

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You have such a big heart (Girlfriend) The doctor's think dangerously so (Guy)

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Me: Ask me if I'm an orange. You: Are you an orange? Me: No

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Q: A young friend you met on the internet invites you over to his house. When you arrive, Chris Hansen enters the room. What does he say? A: Welcome to our home

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My kids are mistakes.

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What do you say when the cheese isn't yours? The cheese does not belong to me.

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What is black and white, and red all over? A mutilated penguin.

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to boys are playing football 1 ses pass tje over ses pass wot

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if quizzes are quizzical, arent tests testical?

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what's the best way to eat a dead baby? stewed into chili with jalepeno cheddar corn bread on the side

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My mate mated with my mate's mate. mated of course meaning fucked.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops