What did Jesus get for Christmas? Birthday presents.

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how did the fat guy fall off the swing? the chain on the right side broke because of is eccesive weight that he probably should have lost last year on biggest loser.

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What did the homeless man get for Christmas? Nothing.

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What do you call a brunette between two blondes? Susan.

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how do you get a blue waffle? paint your vagina blue

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What's the color of an apple? It varies depending on the type of tree and climate the fruit grows in.

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Arsonist: Hey, did you listen my mixtape? It's really FIRE.

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There's two bears in a bathtub, One looks at the other and says "hey can you pass the soap?" the other bear says "what do i look like a light bulb?"

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What do you call a fat jew? A person that most likely has an eating problem and needs to seek help from the nearest rabbi

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I saw a kid watching Harry Potter so I asked him "Do you like Harry Potter?" he replued "yeah" so I asked "do you want to be Harry Potter" he said "yeah"... ...so I killed his parents and locked him in a cupboard.

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What happened after four homosexual clowns all squeezed into a little toy car simultaneously? Children and parents alike were amazed by this feat, and considered their $5 entrance fee very well spent.

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Once upon of time an old man goes to a hospital and tells the doctor that he wants to get circumcised for the first time. The doctor says "Are you sure, you are 90 years old" and the old man says "please doc, just do it." So he goes on with the procedure and the old man is very happy. He returns home with his foreskin and keeps it inside a small box. The old man goes out for dinner and comes home to see his foreskin missing. He gets very angry and asked his daughter "Have you seen my little box?" Daughter says no. He asked his son-in-law "Did you take my box with my foreskin?" Son in law says "No, never." The old man asks the dog "Doggie, did you take my foreskin?" The dog says "Why yes, yes I did." The old man angrily says "Well give it back!" The dog says "I will give your foreskin back if you do me one favor." The old man says "What is it?" The dog says "Three blocks down the street there is a purple house with a cute dog that I would like you to bring to me to go on a date with. Bring her to me and I'll give you back the box." So the old man walks three blocks down the street and spots the purple house. He knocks on the door and a woman opens the door. The old man asks "Excuse me ma'am, i just got circumsized yesterday and I was wondering if I can borrow your dog for just one night because my dog some how blackmailed me and kept my foreskin and said that if I can get my dog and your dog together he would give me my foreskin back." The woman replies " Who the FFFFF are you?!!!"

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Arrow to the Knee

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Roses are red, violets are red, daffodils are yellow, and pansies are pink.

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What is the difference between a baby and a rat? I don't have a rat in a cage

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A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide. The librarian says "I'm worried about your book choice, maybe you should consult a theropast".

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What does a Jewish man do when he sees a new car? Doesn't buy it because he puts his money in a fund.

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What did one pole say to the other pole? We are both from poland

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What is purple after you stroke it a lot? An eggplant

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So a black guy walks into a bar, respectively pays his tab and walks out.

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What has five balls and hates Mexicans? The lottery.

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Your mother is so fat.

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if a black man, a Chinese man, and an Indian were about to jump off the Eiffel tower, who would hit the ground first? who cares?

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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