Why is an elephant large, grey and wrinkled? Because if it was small, round and smooth it would be an aspirin.

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According to standard table etiquette what is rude when someone passes you the salt? Jamming a fork in their eye

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I swear to drunk officer I'm not god.

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I have a black guy in my family tree? Yea, his still hanging their

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If i wanted your 2 cents i'd rob you

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Why wasn't the woman cooking in the kitchen? Both her hands had been cut off in a severe conveyor belt accident.

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heres a great game to play... DEATH TO BABIES!

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HEY YOU!!! just checking for assholes

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Susie has Autism

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I know what you do with your right hand. You part-take in everyday activities such as eating, typing, grooming and maneuvering.

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Random Guy: "Oh god, why was I born with so much common sense?" God: "You must be mistaken, or else you wouldn't be asking me."

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A doctor walks out of the delivery room and relieves A nervour father, telling him that his new baby girl has just been born with great health. The father sighs in relief as happyness overwhelms him. With such great news, the doctor chuckles and continues on with the rest of what he had to relay to the father. Your wife died during the delivery.

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three men get stranded on a island and cannibals find them and they say go find 3 fruits and come back. first guy comes back with three apples and they say we will shuve them in your rectum and if you scream we will kill you he screams he dies. second guy comes back with grapes and he laughs before they can start. and in heaven the first guy says why did you laugh and he says there voices are funny.

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Knock Knock whose there your biological parents REALLY No

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If you say woman really fast it sounds like make me a sandwich.

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what glows blue and howls at the moon at midnight? I dont know but i had sex with your mother.

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Why couldn't sally go on the swing? Because she has no arms. Knock knock Who's there Sally

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Did you know that if you stacked enough elephants to reach from the earth to the moon, all those elephants would die?

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why do i want to get raped because then its not rape

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Why did the elephant cross the road? It's an elephant. Who's going to stop it?

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Row row row your boat Right to KFC Put some kool-aid in your cup And toast to you and me

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding out it's an orange

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What's worse than getting Ebola? Nothing

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There was once a simple man. His life was far from what could be described as extravagant, living alone in a dingy apartment full of leaking taps and insects and lacking a working refrigerator. He wasn't an ungrateful man but he often wondered why life was cruel to him and prayed every night for something magical to happen, whether it be a brand new life, or even something simple like a new fridge. One fateful late afternoon as he staggered along the dim backstreet, partially crippled and pained from his standard day of labour, he came across a brass lamp just laying in the street. Glancing around, the man bent down to pick it up, knowing very well the story of the genie in the lamp having just watched Aladdin the previous night. Peering into its dull surface, he saw eyes staring back at him, eyes he didn't recognise. Anxiously, he ran his hands over the surface of the lamp, feeling the coolness of the metal on his rough blistered hands. But nothing happened! Disappointed but desperate for his dreams to be fulfilled, the man frantically shook the lamp, tears streaming down his face, wonder how life could be so cruel. Then a fridge fell out of the lamp and crushed him and he died the end.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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