Roses are red, violets are blue and the sun is very hot

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What did the town guard say to the adventurer? "I used to be an adventurer like you, but then I got a full-time job so that I could support my family and spend more time with my children."

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Whats gay and smells like straight girls? An envelope.

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Why did the used car salesman stop selling cars? He got fired.

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What did the black man say to the policeman? "Take it easy."

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Dislike this

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What did the mushroom jock say to the mushroom nerd? your and ugly wimpy mushroom....and i am on steroids

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knock knock use the doorbell. our door has a hive of bees in it. three ambulances and a pest control squad was at the house five minutes later.

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What did the girl say to the guy raping her? Stop.

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roses are red, violets are blue, charcoal is black, and my neighbor is too.

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A blind man accidentally walks into another man whilst walking along a sidewalk. The man yells at the blind man, "Watch where you're going!" He then apologizes for his rude behaviour, not noticing right away he was in fact, blind. To show how truthfully sorry he was he took him out for beers the following evening. Soon after they became close friends and now share an apartment in Denver, Colorado.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It was being chased by a wolf that eventually killed and ate it.

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Two nuns walk into a bar. There is a monkey between them, that they are both holding hands with. The bartender looks to them, and says "Hello sisters, I am sorry, but we do not allow wild animals into the bar. He's gonna have to wait outside," to which one of the nuns responds, "Oh, do not worry, this is no monkey, this is one of our sisters." The bartender is very confused. He chuckles, and says "Alright, well then your sister is going to have to wait outside." The sisters look at each other confusedly, but take the monkey outside, put it on a leash, and tie it to a pole. They proceed back inside, have a few drinks, and leave. The next night, the bar is a little more crowded. The bartender looks up and sees the two nuns entering. He checks to make sure there is no monkey with them, and there is not, so he goes back to serving drinks. A few minutes later, the two nuns are at the front of the bar ready to order drinks. The bartender smiles at them, "No monkey this time?" he asks. "Not tonight," says one of the nuns. "Alright," says the bartender, "what can I get you?" "I'll take a double bourbon," says one of the nuns. "I'll have a gin and tonic, and she'll have the same" says the other nun, motioning to a rhinoceros on her left. "What the fuck!!" yells the bartender. "How did you get this inside?! Where did you even get a rhinoceros?" He realizes these questions are unimportant, and runs to call animal control. By the time he turns around, however, the rhinoceros is gone. He goes to talk to the bouncer. "Dude, why do you keep letting in wild animals?" asks the bartender. "The hell are you talking about?" asks the bouncer. "Last night, two nuns walked in with a monkey, and tonight they somehow got a rhino past you. You didn't see that??" the bartender snaps. "Three nuns came in last night, and three came in tonight. No monkey, no rhino," the bouncer tells him. Meanwhile, as they walked home to the convent, one of the nuns says "Man, I haven't been drunk in weeks." One of the other nuns turns to her and says, "Well, maybe you should stop turning into an animal every time we get into a bar."

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, You have AIDS, I'm very sorry

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2 black guys are riding in a car, whos driving? The cops.

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What is purple and green at the same time? Grapes, I lied about at the same time.

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What is worse than being blind? Having a brain tumour.

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How many Jews does it take to screw in a light bulb? One jew to screw in the light bulb.

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What type of ruler lies? A shatter resistant one

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Whats black and has wheels a black man i lied about the wheels

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Why is 6 afraid of 7? It's not. Numbers are not living organisms and thus are incapable of experiencing emotion.

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Where does Frosty the Snowman keep his money? He doesn't keep it. His lifespan is too short to make significant compound intrest.

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it was christmas day and the boy opened his first present... and he immediately got aids.

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a blonde and a brunette sit down to take an IQ test. They both scored above average and were very proud.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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