Woman: If you were my husband, I've give you poisoned wine. Winston Churchill: Madame, if you were my wife, I would hope we could have enough love to attempt marriage counseling so as to work out these issues.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Knock Knock Who's there? Interupting cow Interu--- MOOOOOO!!

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Two Japanese men walked out of a bar. They drowned.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

penis

thumb_up thumb_down -2

A woman refuses to make a sandwich and walks away unharmed.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

What do you call a deer with no eyes? A tragic accident waiting to happen.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Biggest lie in America: Sorry, that was my last stick of gum.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

A terrorist walks into a bar and shoots his virgin

thumb_up thumb_down -4

What is a dinosaurs favorite chips? Doritos.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

K

thumb_up thumb_down -4

What's green and has wheels? A chinese race car driver.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Whats the difference between a van with a bunch of babies in the back and a Cadillac with a bunch of babies in the back I don't have a Cadillac in my garage

thumb_up thumb_down -6

A man walks into a bar, has a drink, pays the bartender, and leaves.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Jesus was nailed to the cross by Roman guards... His disciples were kept behind a line of guards and they could not hear Jesus speak. They can see he was saying something, so they had to get closer to hear what he was saying. John dodged a guard and ran towards Jesus, but a guard cut his leg off with a sword... Peter ran for it and got past John but another guard cut off one of his legs... Matthew saw this opportunity to dodge both guards and jets past both John and Peter and gets to the foot of the cross... Jesus looks down at Matthew and says, "Matthew.... I can see your house from here!"

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Gabe Mercado

thumb_up thumb_down -6

What do you call a whore? Kelsey cook duh

thumb_up thumb_down -6

An old bear-wrestler dies and finds himself at the pearly gates. Confused and at a loss for words due to the unfamiliar circumstance and lack of public toilets, he blurts out "Saint Peter, I presume?" but it was just the train conductor. "Ticket please." He searched his pockets and finally found the ticket. He wished he had a dog, but not a seeing-eye dog because people would assume he was blind. This story illustrates the importance of situational awareness, remembering which pocket you put your ticket in, and not forgetting to go before you leave because you don't know when you'll be able to find a restroom.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Knock, knock. Who's there? Not the World Trade Center.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

why did oprah, your mother, and a monkey on a rock have in common? the ability to fornicate

thumb_up thumb_down -8

What's better than winning at the special olympics? Not being retarded.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

My Japanese girlfriend just broke up with me. It's okay, there's more of them in the sea.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

What's white and flies around ? A seagull. What's black and flies around ? A seagull in the darkness.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Why did the Israeli military stop the helicopter raids to Gaza? They didn't. They continue them until there is nobody left.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

so a kangaroo a piece of cake and a whale are all doing... ...nothing they would not hang out together

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops