can't wait until the baby boomers die

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What is 18 inches long and makes a woman scream all night? Crib death.

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I don't often drink beer. But when I do, I recklessly beat my wife and kids.

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The only silverware Frank Lampard will be lifting this year is his mums urn.

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Why was the little boy sad? Because he had a fox stapled to his face.

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What did the man tell his parents after having sex with another man? A. I am gay.

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What's black on top and white on bottom? Rape.

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Today, we will be identifying power tools. This is not a drill.

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A man is walking down the street when, on the other side, he see's another man, with what appears to be an orange for a head. Unable to contain his curiosity, he approaches and enquires: "Excuse me, but I couldn't help noticing that you have you have an orange for a head..." "That's right" says the man with an orange for a head. "I met a magical genie one day who granted me three wishes..." "Amazing" says the first man, "Please continue". "Well, for my first wish, I wished I was incredibly rich, and that every day, I woke up in a four-poster bed full of used bank notes, and a statement with twenty zeros". "Did that happen?" askes the first man. "It did indeed", replies the man with an orange for a head. "I'm probably the richest man in the world". "Amazing!" replies the first man. "What did you wish for next?" "For my second wish, I wished to be incredibly attractive to women, and that every day, in my four poster bed full of money, when I awoke, there would be three of the most beautiful, naked women imaginable." "Wow! Did THAT happen?" "Of course! To be honest though, that gets a bit of a bind - walking around is a bit difficult these days, in fact, I'm on my way to pick up some cream." "No way, that's amazing!" says the first man. "What was your third wish?" "Well..." replies the man with an orange for a head, "For my third wish, I wished I had an orange for a head."

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A woman goes into a butchers with her baby. She says "I live a few doors down and my scales are broken, do you mind weighing my son?" The butcher takes the boy away and a short while later returns holding a dripping bag. "He's 17lbs two ounces" he informs her, as his colleague brings the boy to the counter safe and well.

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What do you call cheese that isn't your's? Someone else's cheese.

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A baby seal walks into a club...

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Q:Why couldn't the baby walk down the hall way? A: It had a javelin stuck in its head.

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What did Frankenstein say to Dracula? Hey, that's a nice cape.

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timmy: a duck walks up to a lemon stand and says to the man running the stand hey... Paul: what r u talking about its duck it can't talk

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Q: Why did the cat roll down the hill? A: It had no legs

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Why didn't the baby cry? It was stillborn.

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Knock, Knock. Who's there? Doctor. Doctor Who, Your Doctor, you have 5 months to live

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What's black and white and red all over? A nun in a blender.

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Why did the monkey eat his own poop? Because there was minimal resources where he was so he resorted to eat his own fecal matter

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Why dose not the cat bark? Because it's a cat!

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ron:jim i cant get the toaster to work jim:dude thats a thats my car!

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What's worse than being swallowed by a blue whale? Being swallowed by a bule whale with herpes.

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Why did the black guy smell so bad? Because he accidently jumped into a pool of garbage disposal.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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