What's red, fast, and flies through the air? A tomato in a plane.

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Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 was John Elway.

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How did the girl get rid of a fever? She took medicine.

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Q. what sucks A. getting robbed loosing your family and then you die by cancer

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What did the man say to the other man? Hi

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What did the baby say to it's mother as it was being thrown in the trash bin? Nothing, it couldn't talk yet.

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What did the little boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas? Cancer What did he get the next year? Nothing he didn't make it that far

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Knock Knock? Who's there? EMS - your pregnant wife died it a car crash

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In a tangential universe Crispin Glover is the head of scientology

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Why did little Sally throw a stick of butter out the window? Sally had a burning hatred for dairy products.

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A deranged serial killer walks into a bar. No one leaves because he looks like a normal guy.

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Knock Knock. Who's there? A dozen burly firefighters ready to stick it in your pooper

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What happened while Thomas crossed the street? He got hit by a truck. What happened to Billy? He was Thomas's Siamese twin, and he too met the same fate.

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What did the cop say to the black man being arrested? His Miranda rights.

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A Muslim walks into a public library. 32 people killed in the explosion.

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Roses are dead. Violets are dead. I'm a bad gardener.

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Relax, I said some pretty vile things to you when I thought you where a guy seducing me while it became ever more apparent that you where pretending to be me, thing is I often use this site to vent my frustrations and earning the "praise" in the form of red thumbs by the people. I wont say your name, but I know who you are now, the girl with the big red scared eyes, I mean how many one handed 27 year old`s do I know? I am in my early thirties, that`s all I am willing to share for now, If people come around trying to poke out my remaining eye, I am ready (my waifu, is at her mother`s place, she knows I am still a wanted target by, well some people here and there.

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Guy 1: Hey, do you like fish sticks? Guy2: Yeah. Guy 1: Me too

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Marvin, was in the hospital on his death bed. The family called Marvin’s Preacher to be with him in his final moments. As the Preacher stood by the bed, Marvin’s condition seemed to deteriorate, and Marvin motioned for someone to quickly pass him a pen and paper. The Preacher quickly got a pen and paper and lovingly handed it to Marvin. But before he had a chance to read the note, Marvin died. The Preacher feeling that now wasn’t the right time to read it put the note in his jacket pocket. It was at the funeral while speaking that the Preacher suddenly remembered the note. Reaching deep into his pocket the Preacher said “and you know what, I suddenly remembered that right before Marvin died he handed me a note, and knowing Marvin I’m sure it was something inspiring that we can all gain from. With that introduction the Preacher ripped out the note and opened it. The note said “HEY, YOU ARE STANDING ON MY OXYGEN TUBE!”

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Knock Knock. - Whose there? ... ... ... ... Damn kids.

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Why did the girl fall out of the swing? She had no arms.

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Why did the TV fall of a cliff? Because a nice man was donating it to the homeless shelter which hangs over a cliff. The man placed the TV in the back room on the floor. There was a weak spot on the floor and when the fattest homeless person walked over the floor, the floor broke which was a HUGE inconvenience because he TV and the fat man fell through the floor and over the cliff, luckily the TV was plugged in so it was hanging by the cord but an old lady with Alzheimer's forgot that there was a hole in the floor and unplugged the TV so she could clean the switches. In the end the TV fell off the cliff.

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I was walking down the street and a guy fell down right next to me. He woke up a hour later and asked "what smells like year old cat pee?" I said "year old cat pee retard honestly." Then he died. Morale don't ask questions you don't want to know the answers to.

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There is a blonde a Burnett and a red head. Life goes on.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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