A man walked into a bar, he was meeting his friends but was half an hour early, so he went down the road and got a burger. He had recently began dieting to maintain a healthy weight, but had trouble with self control. 30 years later he would gamble away his family's life savings and then go onto live a long and unfulfilled life.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Why did the little girl die Because she was kidnapped by a rapist, and defiled repeatedly, and then to get a ransom from her family the kidnapper slowly pulled out her fingernails and toenails, and sent them to the family the same thing happened with her fingers, toes, hands, feet, arms, legs, teeth, tounge, hair, and eyes, then she died of blood loss after nearly 2 months of torture.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What do u call a black astronaut? An astronaut, you racist prick

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Why is 6 scared of 7? Because 7 is right behind 7 and he's naked.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

NEVER

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Why did the corpse come to life? Because number 5 is alive!

thumb_up thumb_down +16

A man walks into a bar.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

A gay man walks out of his bedroom, rubbing his ass in pain. He says, "I hate it when I slip and fall in the shower."

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Why couldn't the kid eat candy? He had diabetes, so he could put himself in danger and possibly result in death which would leave the family torn apart and all committing suicide in a matter of 10 years.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What's long and really hard? The fourth grade.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

" ding dong " person in side: wait aren't u supposed to knock knock

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What is worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm? Getting raped by a giant scorpion

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Why couldn't the girl swing on the swing set? She had no arms.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Q: Why does an elephant have flat feet? A: From jumping out of trees

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What happened to the boy with cancer? He died.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

How do you make a sandwich? You don't, you have a girl do it for you.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

What is brown and woody? Brown wood.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

What's the difference between hot tea and cold tea? The temperature.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Tunechi

thumb_up thumb_down +14

knock knock who's there your family just died your family just died who? -.-

thumb_up thumb_down +14

A man named Jack has three kids. The oldest is named Jordan, the middle one is named Kim, and the youngest is named Alex. One day Jordan walked up to his father and asked him how his day was. His father replied, "It was fine."

thumb_up thumb_down +14

i hate this glue. give me one new or i will poo.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Is it colder on a farm than in the winter?

thumb_up thumb_down +14

text your mom saying you need help, then turn on vibrate and shove the phone up your ass.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops