How much does a polar bear weight? The average male polar bear weights about 1500 lbs (680 kg)

thumb_up thumb_down +30

How many black people does it take to change a light bulb? Zero, they already stole them all.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

K.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

How much wood could the woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? A relatively small amount compared to the amount of trees in the world.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

Why are black people so tall? Because their parents were

thumb_up thumb_down +28

What happend when they were 3 guys in the air? They were skydiving

thumb_up thumb_down +28

How many babies does it take to paint a wall? It depends on how hard you throw them

thumb_up thumb_down +28

Why did the mass murderer abandon his killing spree? He found out it was illegal.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

What did Anne Frank do this weekend? Nothing. she died in the holocaust.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

What's worse than nailing 10 babies to a tree? Nailing1 baby to 10 trees

thumb_up thumb_down +28

If there's a clown in a blender, how do you get him out? Tostitos.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

What did the mother get her blonde daughter for her birthday? A flower on her tombstone.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

say this really fast D I C K, C H I C K, C H I C K, D I C K, D I C K, C H I C K, C H I C K, D I C K, D I C K, C H I C K, D I C K, C H I C K, C H I CK, D I C K IF YOU CANT LIKE IT

thumb_up thumb_down +28

A homeless guy walked up to me and said "Any change?", to which I replied, "Nope, your still homeless". We laughed and laughed. The he stabbed me.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

KNOCK! KNOCK! who knocks like that? seriously all my friends r jerks n break the door down...wow ur polite....um ok WHO'S THERE? THE REAPER oh sh** dude! NO ONES HOME! "in other news this evening, two local men found dead on theyre living room floors. Police say the front door was smashed in...an obvious sign of forced entry. The two men were apparently reading a webpage called anti-joke before suddenly having an unexplained heart attack and dieing....heh heh hey nancy...why did the chicken cross the road? because he thuroughly enjoyed darting out into traffic." "HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.......GASP! GA FA! GAA *gargle*" "wow...in other OTHER news i just killed nancy...."*runs* JOKES KILL >:}

thumb_up thumb_down +28

knock knock piss off

thumb_up thumb_down +28

How does a person put an elephant in a closet? First they have to open the door, then put the elephant in and close the door. That was easy well how does a person put a giraffe in. You probably said open the door and put the giraffe in and close the door. Well you missed a step first you have to take the elephant out then you can put in the giraffe. Well both animals are to big to fit in a closet so you can't put them in and also the person who put the animals in is schizophrenic and the animals are fake so if you believed that you could fit them in there you might be delusional.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

A woman walks into a cave, and the entrance collapses. She spends two days in the cave. She comes close to death, due to lack of nutrition, but is thankfully rescued by a dog walker. She spends several days in hospital recovering. The experience really opens her eyes to life, and she learns not to take her loved ones for granted, and to really make the most of her life. Finally she is allowed to go home. The next day, she is hit by a bus.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

knock, knock whos there the police your son was the victim of a cruel homocide

thumb_up thumb_down +26

What is the difference between a girl and a boy? Well, a girl has two x-chromosones but a boy has and X and a Y chromosone.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Why did the autopilot of a plane malfunction even though the pilots had engaged the switch? The pilots had taken manual control. I lied about the switch.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

You know what they say about women with really big feet? They actually don't say anything.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

How do you stop a plane? Land it.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Why did the piano explode? Beacause someone planted an explosive inside of it.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops