Mirror mirror on the wall. Why can't I see?

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Why can't Helen Keller drive? Because she's dead.

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Hey I just met? you and this is crazy I have alzheimers Hey I just met you

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Roses are red Here is something new Violets are violet NOT FUCKING BLUE

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Do you ride the bus to school or do you take your lunch?

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A blonde girl walks into the local dry cleaners. She places a garment on the counter. "I'll be back tomorrow afternoon to pick up my dress." she says. "Come again?" says the clerk, cupping his ear. "I said 'I'LL BE BACK TOMORROW AFTERNOON TO PICK UP MY DRESS'," says the girl, this time louder.

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Ill do a lot more than just try you, anyways, technically I learned to play the piano as a kid, but now I play on a small cheap keyboard (the musical kind) and sincerely, I kinda suck at it now, my abusive parents expected perfection beat the shit out of me blahblahblah, thats really all of it, trauma. My senses, well, when I was a kid I was terrified of gravity (one of the rarest fears in the world) because I had no idea I was consciously shifting things myself. So lets say... If I somehow end up hanging upside down, I just shift it, so my brain believes I am not and I experience no discomfort, there is a lot more to it, ill tell you, damn nose wont stop bleeding and my waifu got a bit scared, she got some bad bronchitis and she still has not recovered a 100 percent, but its just the cough now though... Lets just say that my ability to balance, is about 300-500 percent higher than any regular human, and that I can stand on one leg enough to beat the guiness record book 50 times... ...IIIIF I was in good shape, which I am not.

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Show me the money! Said the man last wednesday.

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Q: What's the difference between sheetrock and drywall? A: nothing. It's just two names for the same thing.

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If your uncle helped you off An horse, would you help your uncle jack off an horse?

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What's the opposite of stupid? diputs

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why did little suzy fall off the swing? She had no arms Knock knock: Who's there? Not little suzy Why did the car crash? Little suzy was driving Why didn't little suzy ride her bike home? She died of her injuries from the car crash

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why did the kid raise his hand in class because he had a question

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Whats funnier than the Holocaust? Nothing.

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how do you get a black guy out of a tree? ask himnicely and if he doesn't promptly call the fire department

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What's Jewish and gay? Henry Shine

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1 friend request facebook: ignore. Nuff said

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How many dead babes does it take to screw in a lightbulb? its not possible because there all dead

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Three aliens land in the middle of New York City. There is a huge media story about the first extraterrestrial life to be discovered on Earth.

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YOU AINT GOT NO PANCAKE MIX the preacher then bitchslaps the black man

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roses are blood violets are veins vampires are crazy and you are insane

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Spongebob: Patrick! Can you hear me? Patrick: No, it's too dark.

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What did the cow say right before he was slaughtered and later to be sold? Nothing cows dont talk they can create a sound that most people describe as MOO though.

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Two men are making sandwiches, one man is spreading peanut butter over the bread and the other man is spreading honey and Italian raspberry jam over rye bread. the man with the peanut butter sandwich looks over and says "HEY, where did you get the rye bread?" and the man with the rye bread says "well my wife made it yesterday and I would be delighted if you come over for some tea, and tried some of my wife's homemade rye bread".

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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