Why did the chicken cross the road? Cuz he does what he wants.

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My children are huge mistakes.

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Why did the man have a curiously-shaped scar on his cheek? He had been mauled by an owl as a child.

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A burglar broke into a house one night. He picked up a CD player to place in his sack and a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark, saying, "Jesus is watching you." He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head, clicked the light on, and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, he heard, "Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot "Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you." The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?" "Moses," replied the bird. "Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?" "Devout Semites," the parrot replied.

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Why does Reid always have a blank stare on his face? Because he is constantly searching for the answer as to why his sister was raped, stabbed, and burned alive all right in front of his face.

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Why did the chicken get hit by a bus? Because he crossed the road

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Knock knock. Is someone there?

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What do a black man and an apple have in common? They are both carbon based life forms.

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Why did John go outside? His house was on fire.

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What do you call a politician on fire? A tragic death for the American public..

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how do you make a door cry? twist its nob

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Whats white and looks like a bunny? a rabbit

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Dave: My wife just gave birth! The baby is doing good. John: You mean doing well?

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What happened the the blonde that went swimming? She cooled off and enjoyed a hot summer day.

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What did the Pope say to the old homeless man who asked him for a blessing? Hahaha, no I won't give you a blessing

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Q)What is the best way to get the bitches? A) You shouldn't try. You could go to prison on bestiality charges.

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what does the NAACP stand for? Now Apes Are Called People.

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How do you stop a clown from laughing? Hit him in the face with an ax.

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Do you know what my favorite rhetorical question is?

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What caused the Berlin Wall to come down? Gravity

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A little boy starts to be followed by a man in a large white van. They come across an intersection, the boy turns left, and the man turns right.

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How many blind men does it take to change a light bulb?

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Sure, if my waifu aproves, hell, the more the hornier. CONDOMS? ARE YOU INSANE? CONDOMS ARE FOR PUSSIES... ..:WHIIIIIICH sorta makes sense so okay, my for a moment I thought you where not gonna go trough with this... Nah just kidding, I already got you, now if you want to break free I am gonna be like "MEH!" So, uh, you shaven or not? Please dont be "trimmed", sometimes it just looks like a pussy with a mustachio, thats bullshit.

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Roses are red, Violets are BLACK!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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