- Anti Joke

how do you upset an obese cat? you put her in dog sweaters

A teacher, a lawyer, and a doctor are all at the edge of the cliff. Then they jump off and die.

What's the hardest part of a vegetable to eat? The wheelchair.

Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side.

what is the meaning of life? i dont know, but im fairly sure its not 42

Why didn't the octopus have any friends? Because they are antisocial creatures by nature. -Louis

What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a ferrari? I don't have a ferrari in my garage.

Why is Skrillex bad at fishing? Because he always increases the treble input in his songs, and he doesnt have a rod.

How do you solve a scatter plot? Give a pencil to Michael J. Fox.

Why was the house on fire? A dog peed on it.

A man with Tourette's syndrome walks into a bar. Because of his disease, he shouts unexpected profanities across the room, and everybody in the bar bursts into laughter. The man cannot handle the humiliation anymore and goes home. He opens a drawer in his bedroom, pulls out a gun, and points it at his head. His wife walks in on him about to commit suicide. She is horrified. He then looks at her and then down, and he notices his one and only daughter by the age of 7 is by her side. The man ponders his reckless decision he was about to make. Moments later he and his family are holding one another sobbing in each others arms. A few days later the man goes back to the bar and shoots everybody there. Shocked and afraid, he curled up into a ball and regretted his decision. An hour later the police arrived and he was sentenced to life in prison for 3rd degree murder. His wife moved on and started a new family with his former best friend, and his daughter vists him every first tuesday of every other month. The man still suffers from Tourette's and cannot control his ticks and rots in jail. He continues to scream random obscenities for the rest of his life with no parole.

A man is driving the speed limit of 55 on the highway. He gets pulled over and the cop says, "Do you know how fast you were going sir?" The man replies "Well yes I was going 55, the speed limit." The cop says, "No you were going 80." The speedometers broken.

What did Michael jackson say to Abraham Lincoln? Nothing, there are both currently deceased, if they did, however, say something to each other, it would not be in person, because they are both dead.

There are 3 prisoners inside a cage. All the prisoners are blind folded and wearing hats. They are told there are 5 hats all together, 2 blue hats and 3 red hats. If one of them can answer what color hat they are wearing they are all set free. However, they have no idea what color hat they are wearing, only what color hat the other prisoners are wearing. They are also not allowed to tell what color the others are wearing. So the game begins: The first prisoner takes off his blind fold. The guard says "What color hat are you wearing?" and the first prisoner says "I don't know." The second prisoner takes off his blind fold. The guard says "What color hat are you wearing?" and the second prisoner says the same thing, "I don't know" Now the third prisoner didn't even need to take off his blind fold. He already knew the answer. He said, "Sir, I know I am wearing a red hat" The guard smiled and all the prisoners are set free. Why? If the first prisoner saw the other prisoners blue hats then he knows he's wearing a red hat because there are only 2 blue hats and 3 red hats. But he sees one guy wearing blue and one guy wearing red, so he says "I don't know." The second prisoner took off his blind fold and the same thoughts occur. If he saw the other prisoners wearing all 2 blue hats, then he knows he's wearing red. Instead, he sees one guy wearing a blue hat and the other guy wearing a red hat. So he says "I don't know" Now the third prisoner doesn't even need to take off his blind fold. Why? He heard the other prisoners saying they don't know, which led him to believe that all they saw was blue and red hats. That means if he takes of his blind fold he will see that both of the previous prisoners will be wearing blue hats and since there are only 2 blue hats available, he must be wearing a red hat.

Yo momma so ugly, she makes french people say "you are ugly" in whatever language they speak.

What do you call a guy who likes men? Gay

Hey i just met you and this is crazy, but heres my gamertag so party up maybe?

What do you call a black man with no arms? Trustworthy.

roses are red poo is poo

It's weird how two of the SAME jokes can get different ratings.

Why did the student fail his test? He forget to study for it the night before.

your moma is sao fat that she is gay . nope im sorry thats just mean.

What did the tramp get for Christmas? Nothing because he's Jewish.

Whats the difference between Osama and Obama? The S is replaced with a B.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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