Have you heard the one about the dead guy? Neither has he.

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What's worse then the bomb that went off in boston? The second one right after.

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Why did the asian lady buy the large shirt instead of the medium? Because the medium didn't fit

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A talent agency is giving auditions and is just about to rap it up when a family shows up. They reluctantly agree to their "brief" audition given that they had found no suitable talent that day. The routine starts with the father starting 6 chainsaws at once while simultaneously starting a juggling/lumberjacking routine. His beautiful wife proceeds to toss him additional chainsaws (as he continually throws them for dramatic effect) while also maintaining a hypnotizing dance which seems to drain your desire to leave from your very soul. The children take turns jumping in between the chainsaws while doing a silent replay of the movie, "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon." After it plays out the father tosses the final chainsaw up in the air which lands standing straight, quivering in the dust of the studio. The studio manager says, "Why that's an AMAZING act!! I'll sign you right now! What do you call your act?" In response to which, the father ****s on his desk.

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What did Stevie Wonders wife do when they got into fights? Re-Arrange the furniture

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once you go Persian, there is no other alternative

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what did blonde say to the square? ur a square which is comprised of four equal sides and always have four lines of symmetry.

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whats long hard and full of seamen? a submarine.

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What's worse than having to tie one of your shoelaces after walking 5 miles? Getting a 56 year old mixture of blood, urine and sperm injected in your asshole.

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Why didn't the black man sit in the front of the bus Because he lives in a society where it is illegal and socially unacceptable for a person of African decent to sit in towards the front of the bus, near the driver, which is most commonly reserved for a person of European decent.

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Get Outta Here We're Closed!

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whats funnier than a banana an orange -may bieber

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How many black people does it take to for there to be a murder? None. A murder is a group of crows,not black people.

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Two peanuts were walking down the road. One was assaulted because they were walking in Detroit.

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A priest enters a bar moments after a young teen walks into the same bar. The priest scolds the teen, warning him of the possibility of arrest, alcoholism, and other bad life consquences. The teen apologizes to the bartender, and much later in life, he thanks the priest.

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Q. What do humans and jelly beans have in common ? A. Nothing.

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A bar walks into a man

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what did the man do when he was at the end of his rope? he bought more rope.

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Why did the four friends drive past the bar? To see if it was too crowded to go into or not.

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What did Batman say to robin before they got in the batmobile? "Robin, get in the batmobile!"

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Why couldn't Johnny drive? He doesn't have arms or legs. Why didn't Johnny have arms or legs? Johnny is a potato

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a duck walks onto a basketball court during a game. The referee sees the bird and blows his whistle crying fowl just as the player was running up to dunk. The confused bird flies away and the referee gets punched by the angry player.

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A paraplegic walks into a bar.

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Why is 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 has AIDS.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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