how do you get lady gaga to wake up in the morning? Hit her with a brick

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im a policeman the car infront of me had a foot hanging out of the trunk. i pulled him over. i closed the trunk and proceeded to inform him of the dangers of open trunks.

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what did one wall say to another wall? nothing walls cant talk

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His Royal Highness was hunting in the forest accompanied by his squires and hunting dogs. A man, screaming, ran wildly out of the brush and addressed the hunting party. He said, "DON'T SHOOT! I AM NOT A MOOSE!! PLEASE DO NOT SHOOT!!!!" The king calmly raised his rifle to his eye and fired, hitting the man in the temple, and instantly killing him. A squire frantically turned to the king and said "Sire! Why did you kill this man?! He CLEARLY said he was not a moose!" The King replied "Oh! I thought he said he WAS a moose..."

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What do you call a man with only one eye? Half blind.

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We start counting at 1, therefore 0 is countless. I've slept with countless women.

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What sinks quickly to the bottom of a river? Your dead parents.

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Did you hear about the dyslexic that choked on his own vimto?

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A man runs into a bar, sits down in a hurry and demands a beer from the bartender. The bartender looks at him wearily, but shrugs, pours him a beer and sets it down in front of him. The fat naked man then drinks the beer and leaves.

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How do you make a Chef cry? You kill his family.

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why is pie good. because it just is.

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I'll have a chocolate milkshake, hold the onions.

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Where was the declaration of independes? At the bottom

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Why could the red heading boy sing higher notes than the blonde headed boy? He was castrated at birth.

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Whats black,White and Asian? everything we are all equal

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A blonde goes in an electronic store. She buys a TV and leaves.

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What time is it when an elephant steps on your watch? Time to go to the hospital and get treated for a shattered wrist.

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What do grass and cows have in common? They both say "moo" except for grass

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did you hear about the guy who got his left leg and left arm cut off? he suffered severe blood loss and is most likely dead.

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How do you get a baby to stop crying? Shoot it.

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Where did Betsy go after the explosion? Everywhere

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A drunk guy walks out of an AA meeting.

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"Sh*t!" cursed the man. "You're such a potty mouth!" replied the unamused toilet.

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I wanted to burn alot of calories so i found a fat kid and set him on fire. :3

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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