Stephen Hawkings walks into a bar and orders a beer. Just kidding, he can't walk.

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What do you call a kid on crutches? Crippled

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Flying aboriginal on a magic carpet

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What did the leper say to the prostitute? "I am an undercover police office and you're under arrest for prostitution, ma'am."

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Why was the crazy person allowed to leave the asylum? The ombusman's report will be on your desk this morning minister.

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chuck norris's daughter lost her virginity but he got it back

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What's the difference between an orange and a dead baby? One is a popular citrus fruit commonly grown in Florida, and the other is a horrible tragedy, possibly caused by miscarriage or a serial killer, who was hopefully immediately jailed for his actions.

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what's the fastest way to have someone murder you tell your wife you are cheating on her

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How do you scare Chris Ferguson? No one knows, he always has a pokerface on.

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a man i knew who was a real jerk was about to drive home drunk. i was trying to stop him, but then he punched me in the face. i let him through. he died that night. i texted him all the way

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The man goes to the doctor after just losing his job. His house is being foreclosed because without the money from his job he can't afford to pay for his house. His girlfriend also just left him because of problems with money and she was looking forward to having a family and with him jobless it was just out of the question. Man:"Doctor I could really use some good news" Doctor:"You have aids"

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Why did you visit antijoke.com? Because you don't find real jokes funny.

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Q: Why cant dinosaurs talk A: Because they are dead.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? because he was hungry and mcdonalds was across the street

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There was a little boy in kindergarten who really had to go to the bathroom. So he asked his teacher if he could go to the bathroom, and she told him he could go at snack time. The little boy really had to go to the bathroom, so he asked his teacher again, and like before, she told him to wait until it was snack time. The little boy had to go very very badly and asked the teacher one more time. This time the teacher said "if you can say the alphabet, then you can go to be bathroom" so the little boy got up all his courage and started off with "A,B,C,D,E,F,G,H,I,J,K,L,M,N,O,P,Q,R,S,T,U,V,W,X,Y and Z." Then the teacher said,"good job" and let him go to the bathroom. When he went there was a man waiting in the stall who brutally raped and murdered the boy.

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A black man rode down the street on a bicycle.

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Why are Ethiopians so fast? Because antelope are also very fast.

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Why did the squirl eat the accorn? Because he enjoys it.

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Why did the girl fall off the swing? She had no arms. Why didnt she get back up? She had no friends.

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Why did the Asian woman crash her car? She couldn't see through the slits she called eyes.

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A man using Apple Maps walks into a bar. Or maybe a hospital... or possibly a church.

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Why was Michael Jackson seen shopping at Kmart? Because he heard little boys pants were 50% off the original price.

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Knock knock Whos there? FUS ROH DAH

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Kumquats Daffodils Alka-Seltzer Serendipity Dewey Decimal System Buccaneer Avuncular Pantaloons Weasels Alligator Chewbacca Sasquatch

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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