why did Bernard have a bold because I ripped his Mohawk

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A black man walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I wont serve you." The black man says, "Why? Is it because of the color of my skin?" The bartender says, "No, didn't you read the sign on the front door? It says, "People with suits on will not be served." So the black man took off his suit and was kindly served.

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Two men are stranded in a structure on an alien planet, they are frightened when they are told that there is evidence of a life form near them, they explore their surroundings and find a snake-like creature that flares what looks like wings, bites one of the men on the hand and wraps its tail around his arm squeezing it until the arm breaks (we see the bone poke through his sleeve and he screams); the creature slithers up his sleeve, into his mask and lunges into his mouth killing him, and the other man is sprayed on the mask with acid and we see the plastic of the mask melt onto his face.

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Q: Who wants a chick with big breasts? A: Everyone apparently, because chickens are being genetically engineered that way because people are racist about what part of the chicken then want to eat. The white meat or the dark meat. Guess what? Now they can't walk because they are top heavy. And who's fault is that? The people who only eat the white meat.

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How many flies does it take to screw in a light bulb? Just two, but I'd like to know how they got in there.

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Q: Why did you get raped last week? A: Because at night you touch yourself to pictures of rapists.

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OK, Billy went to his friend Fred in the tree. And then went inside to get a snack. Then Fred fell out of the Tree and.....landed on a comfy mattress.

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Q: If you see a gipsy drowning, what will you throw him?! A: His family.

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What's white and can't climb a tree? A refrigerator.

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FOX News: Fair and balanced

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What did the oak tree say to the pine tree? Nothing tress dont speak regardless of the kind.

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Why did the gitl fail her cooking class? Because she was abused and severely beaten by her teacher

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ask me if i have a place to call home> 'have you a place to call home?' no im sad and lonely.

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How did the blind man escape the mugger? He ran into a bus.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because you were observing it, thus changing its quantum state and making it decide to cross.

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Did you hear about the Australian man who was jumped by a gang of Americans with knifes? He had his cash and possessions stolen from him, and had to spend two weeks in hospital due to stab wounds.

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What do you get when you combine a potato and an apple? A nice Apple Potato Souffle...

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Haha, I get it..

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Why did the submarine crash? Someone opened the window

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How do you not get disappointed at the ending for "Mass Effect 3"? Don't play the game, dumbass.

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Why is The stop sign bent? Because a ambulance full of sick kids hit it.

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My heart is in my hands. Call an ambulance.

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Two muffins are cooling on a windowsill. One muffin says to the other "It sure is a beautiful day today." The other muffin says "Holy shit! A talking muffin!"

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A man attempts to rob a bank. The police are called and the robber is arrested for attempted robbery.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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