Two generals went for a trip, it went very well in general.

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What does a carrot and a potato have in common? They're both not chocolate

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If you have ten apples, and I take away three, then you will only have seven apples left, because ten minus three is seven. On the other hand, if I have a hundred apples, and you take away ninety-six, then I will call the police on you because that is stealing and it is not allowed.

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Whats worse than bitting into a apple and finding a worm? Being the worm who just lost nearly half his whole house because some jerk decided to eat an apple on the ground, whom after eating the apple destroyed the worms self-esteem by making the comparison to the worse thing possible. Or being raped by Zeus in the form of a worm.

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A squirrel and an owl are sitting in a tree. The squirrel turns to the owl and says nothing, because it is a squirrel and squirrels can't talk. The owl turns to the squirrel and eats it, because it is a bird of prey.

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Why did Max drink the red Gatorade? Because he likes it more than all of the other flavors.

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What's black and hanging on a tree in my backyard? Blackberries.

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A guy orders soup at the resturant and says to the waiter, "will you try this soup?" The waiter says "what is it too hot?" the guy says "just try the soup." the waiter asks "Is it too cold?" the guy sais just try the soup." the waiter says "fine, where's the spoon?" AHAHHH!!!

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I want to name my dog Syndrome. Then, when I teach him to sit, I can say "Down, Syndrome!"

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Pull my finger. Not right now. I'm watching The Price is Right.

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I now pronounce you man and lion. You may now kiss the pride.

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Why, you might ask, did in fact the chicken cross this all too infamous road? His grandma-ma phoned the righteous bird and requested a visit. Chickens never displease their family.

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. I'm gonna f*ck you with a rake.

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'Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers.' Thats fantastic for Peter Piper

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knock knock whos there? knock knock whos there knock knock you final decide to open the door to find a deaf man needing directions.

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why did the puppy poop? he had too

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Whats black and white with red all over? A dead panda

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A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead all walk into a bar. Because, often, friends go out together in social situations.

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why did the chicken cross the street? he couldn't, he lives in a rural area on a farm where there are no streets

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Where did Little Billy go after the explosion? Everywhere.

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What do you call a black man flying a plane? A pilot, you racist.

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How do you make a tissue dance? Blow a little boogie in it!

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Two guys walk into a bar. Whoops did I say bar? I meant Hiroshima 1945. They got radiation poisoning and died slow painful deaths.

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Why couldn't Kelly finish her test? She spontaneously combusted.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops