Yo momma so ugly that she had self esteem issues and committed suicide, making her husband extremely depressed.

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I'm off to my tank guys!

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A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as that could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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Person 1 : i need to sneeze Person 2 : ok ( person 1 sneezes ) Person 2 : bless u ( few seconds later ) did u sneeze? Person 1 : yep :)

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Why do people read Bibles? To learn about God.

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What do you call a group of black people? A group, you racist.

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What do you get when you mix black, white, and Asian? A panda bear

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Q: What is worse than seven babies in a trash can? A: One baby in seven trash cans. Q: What is worse than one baby in seven trash cans? A: The Holocaust.

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press a,s,d,f,g,h,j,k,l feel like a pianist

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Mitt Romney.

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why wouldn't the boy shake his teachers hand? his abusive father cut it off with an axe when he was a child

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Q: why do the Toronto maple leafs suck? A: they dont they r in seventh place biotch!

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Yes.

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How do you stop 5 black guys from raping a girl? You call the proper authorities. Don't try to be a hero.

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What's the difference between a Jew and a Boy Scout? A Boy Scout comes home from camp.

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HEY YOU!!! just checking for assholes

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Yo mama's so fat that she took a look at her life and realized she wanted a change so she joined a dieting group and started eating better and exercising more and she got down to her goal weight and now looks and feels better than ever it's very inspirational, good for her.

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Knock knock Who's there? Death. Come with me.

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How do you kill a fashion icon? First make sure their blonde and stupid like most. then take a barstool preferably or what ever is closest then........ WACK HER IN THE EMPTY SPOT WHERE HER BRAIN SHOULD BE.

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Q: What do you get when you cross a rare breed of penguin with a horse. A: Well to be fair, turtles have shells

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What is worse than something terrible happening to you? That same thing happening to me of course... Duh...

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What does a plum and a rabbit have in common? A: they're both purple, except for the rabbit!

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you wanna know hellen kellers favorite game? Marco Polo!

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What do you call a unicorn without a horn? A horse.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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