- Anti Joke

What happened to the peanut who went to NYC? Nothing because he was eaten on the plane

What did the burn victim get for Christmas? A book of matches

Why did the man take off all his clothes? He was going to take a shower.

How did the stapeler disappear? I ate it.

What did the two eggs in the frying pan say to each other? Nothing, their eggs.

What did the father tell his son on his death bed? Nothing. He was hit by a car and was now a vegetable.

Why did the cookie go to the docter? Because he was dieing of terminal cancer.

A teacher notices one of her students clutching a cat. She asks him why. The boy, tearfully, explains that he heard his father tell his mother that he was going to eat her pussy when the kids left for school. The teacher laughs and, the class being 10-11 years old thereby at an age approaching biological curiosity, decides to mix this in with a sex education video she was planning on showing them a few weeks later. She then phones the boy's parents who come to collect the cat while reassuring the boy that it is in no danger. The cat was popular with the boy's classmates and they would often go to visit him as a result. Many years later, just after the boy started attending university, the cat was put to sleep at the age of 13 due to liver cancer. The boy placed a Facebook post in honour of his feline friend, which was spotted by a former classmate of his in a routine search who happened to be attending the same university. They ended up reacquainting and beginning a sexual relationship, which was how the boy lost his virginity and eventually blossomed into a 37-year marriage resulting in three children.

What sits in a corner and travels all the way around the world? A stoner on hallucinogens.

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?". The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then the man said "he has a pulse". The operator then calmly stated "we are sending a helicopter to air lift him out of there as we speak". The man got helicoptered to the nearest ER, and the doctors did their best to save him. He ended up having to go on life support for three years until his family members finally decided to pull the plug. The medical insurance didn't cover life support and the family went broke because of it.

How many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb? Well, if the socket were 20 feet in the air, it might take 4 blondes with really good balance. Then again, it might not matter how many blondes there are due to transportation issues. (What if there are no replacement light bulbs in the house, and the nearest store was 10 miles away? It would be ridiculous to expect someone to walk twenty miles to replace a light bulb) In conclusion, I would say that the number of blondes it takes to screw in a light bulb is dependent on the individual situation at hand.

What do you call a Mexican baptism? A blessed occasion.

I used to not like my beard, but then it grew on me.

Paul Dylan King!

How do you have gay sex? I don't know ask Jordan Braun

Women's football

terry stockton is straight

myspace

What is the answer to the universe? I would tell you but you would get board.

roses are red violets are blue i took your cup to the bathroom ...thats not really apple juice:)

what is the difference between a indian and a trampoline? you take you shoes off to jump on the trampoline.

Miley Cyrus is Twerk Queen

Why did the baby cross the road? It was stappled to the chicken.

Why did the little girl fall down She was shot in the leg

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

Want more? You might be interested in...

Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops