Q: How do you fit a giraffe inside a refrigerator? A: You can't, it is physically impossible...

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Why did the lion get lost? -The jungle is massive

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Why are "Polish" and "polish" spelled the same? The word is a homophone.

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A black man accidentally walks into a white man. They apologize to each other and carry on with the rest of their day.

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Q:why are lamas cool? A:because m&m's are poisoned with deadly dosages of viagra.

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Women rights.

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Q: how many Pollocks does it take to paint a house? A: 100. 99 to spin the house and 1 to hold the paint brush

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What's worse than dropping your ice cream on the floor? Getting the end of your penis stapled

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Yo mama so fat that her weight is starting to tear her and your father apart.

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the iPod hand is such a great deal It's only seven ninety-nine..........................................ninety nine for one hundredth of a dinosaur wait a minute...

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It's a scientific fact that if you took all the veins out of your body, and lined them up end to end, you would die.

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Why couldn't the kid get into the Pirate movie? He died in a car crash on the way there because of a drunk driver.

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What do you call a Jewish lawyer, who is happily married to a woman, but goes and sees a man on the side? A gay Jewish lawyer who cheats on his fake wife.

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What do you call a one-armed man Whatever his name is

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What did the cancer patient say to the arab? the tumors hurt my body

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What do you call an insect that has 8 legs? A spider.

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What did the pig say to the banana? Oink.

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Sea World Japan.

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What has lips and smells like a fish? A fish.

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What do you call a fat legless over weight black man called Tom. Tom.

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Why was the panda sad? It's family died when China had an earthquake.

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Potato salad

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A man walks into a pet shop. He says to the shopkeeper, "Excuse me, do you have any dogs going cheap?" The shopkeeper replies "We feel that we price our animals reasonably, but the cheapest type of dog we have is £50." The man realises that, unfortunately, he cannot afford a dog so instead he purchases a goldfish. It wasn't the same.

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A man is walking down the street when, on the other side, he see's another man, with what appears to be an orange for a head. Unable to contain his curiosity, he approaches and enquires: "Excuse me, but I couldn't help noticing that you have you have an orange for a head..." "That's right" says the man with an orange for a head. "I met a magical genie one day who granted me three wishes..." "Amazing" says the first man, "Please continue". "Well, for my first wish, I wished I was incredibly rich, and that every day, I woke up in a four-poster bed full of used bank notes, and a statement with twenty zeros". "Did that happen?" askes the first man. "It did indeed", replies the man with an orange for a head. "I'm probably the richest man in the world". "Amazing!" replies the first man. "What did you wish for next?" "For my second wish, I wished to be incredibly attractive to women, and that every day, in my four poster bed full of money, when I awoke, there would be three of the most beautiful, naked women imaginable." "Wow! Did THAT happen?" "Of course! To be honest though, that gets a bit of a bind - walking around is a bit difficult these days, in fact, I'm on my way to pick up some cream." "No way, that's amazing!" says the first man. "What was your third wish?" "Well..." replies the man with an orange for a head, "For my third wish, I wished I had an orange for a head."

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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