Q: What did the first kid say to the second kid before he handed him a pencil? A: May I have a pencil?

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Why can't black people swim? Because most African American individuals grow up in inner urban cities where they have little or no access to swimming facilities.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

A blonde walks into a salon and says "I would like to get my golden locks trimmed." The haircutter replies "surely, just sit yourself down in that chair over there and I'll be with you momentarily." The blonde walks to the chair and sits down. When the haircutter comes over he asks her, "would you please remove your headset, I can't cut your hair while they're on." She laughs at her forgetfulness and removes them obligingly.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

The Colts this year.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Ever since I've been using chloroform as cologne I've been getting laid a lot.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Why did Susie fall off the swing? She didn't have any arms.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Whats worse than the holocaust? A n a l

thumb_up thumb_down +5

roses are grey, violets are grey, i dont have any cones, just rods.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Cancer victim: What kind of doctor are you? Person 2: I'm not a doctor. In fact, I'm a suicide bomber and am planning to initiate the detonation sequence right now. Cancer victim: Well, it doesn't really matter. No matter who shows up, I'll still die anyways. This way, I'll be able to pay a visit to the transcendent city high in the heavens sooner. Person 2: I bet that many would mourn your death at your remembrance ceremony. Cancer victim: That doesn't bother me. My friends and family are close to my heart, but that doesn't warrant eternal proximity with one another in itself. Person 2: Let's go to a better place. Let us finally break free of our mortal chains that have unceasingly been hindering our progress since the first war took place. Cancer victim: Wait, I've changed my mind! Person 2: Too late. I wish I had a time machine... not.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

What did the tree say to himself? Gee-oma-tree( get it geometry say it outloud)

thumb_up thumb_down -3

What did the sphinx say to the Minotaur? Nothing, as they are fictional creatures and in according to probable science, don't not exist.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

If you're American when you go into the bathroom, and American when you come out, what are you inside? American! What are you, a communist?

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Q: why are kittens so cute? A: because god created them that way. go fourth and enjoy kittens.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

What is big, green and fuzzy and if it falls out of a tree and hit you in the head, it will probably kill you? A pool table.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Q:What are black basketball players good at? A:Running,shooting and stealing.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have Alzheimer's, Ham and Cheese!

thumb_up thumb_down -15

whats pink and fluffy? pink fluff

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Why did the woman keep getting sexually harassed while calling for her lost dog? Her dog is named "Ilovedicks."

thumb_up thumb_down -27

How many black people does it take to screw in a lightbulb?. I dont know either it was dark.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

Where do farmers retire their used farm equipment? The tree in their backyard.

thumb_up thumb_down -31

Why dont you ever see any black mermaids? Mermaids dont exist.

thumb_up thumb_down -33

What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a ferrari? -I don't have a ferrari in my garage.

thumb_up thumb_down -57

How many blondes does it take to dye their own hair black and act in an intelligent, sensible manner?

thumb_up thumb_down -59

Why didn't the dog like baseball? Being a dog, it had no idea or interest in what baseball is.

thumb_up thumb_down -71

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops