A man is on an operating table. His heart stops beating and he suddenly finds himself at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter approaches him. "Welcome, my son," St. Peter says. "I can't believe it," the man exclaims, "I've died and gone to Heaven! I-" St. Peter interrupts him. "Not quite yet, my son. You must first answer three questions. You will only enter Heaven if I deem you fit to do so." The man nervously agrees. "All right. First question," St. Peter says. "Did you ever commit a sin and never sought forgiveness?" The man thinks long and hard. "No, I always made sure to apologize." "Splendid," St. Peter responds. "Did you attend church every Sunday?" The man loses some of his former confidence. "I may have missed the odd week." "That's fine," says St. Peter. "One last question... Do you believe you are worthy of entering the Gates of Heaven?" The man answers nervously, "Well... yes, yes I do." St. Peter smiles. "Congratulations, my son. You have passed the test, and may enter Heaven!" The man is ecstatic as the pearly gates open up for him. He enters Heaven and is astounded by its magnificent beauty. The man then loses all brain function and dies on the operating table.

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Roses are red, vilotes are blue Erics a dick and Chase is too.

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Why did the black man get arrested? He sold cocaine.

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Why did the flight attendant look scared every time every time she saw a muslim get on the airplane? Because her family got murdered in front of her before she came to work

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A man walks into a bar. He orders a beer.

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Question: Whats worse then getting hit by a bus? Answer: Getting hit by a train.

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- Why Mexicans have small steering wheels in their cars? - Because of this they are able to drive a car in handcuffs.

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What did the kid say to the ice-cream Man Can I have a duck please

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A horse walks into a bar, prompting the show-jumping judges to subtract points for failing to clear the obstacle.

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Knock,Knock Who's there? The Police, Your under arrest for urinating on a toliet.

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my mom died because she was morbidly obese

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Why couldn't the asian man drive? He had no arms.

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How many pairs of jordans does your dad have? None, he lost both his legs in vietnam.

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"The hills are alive..." Impossible, hills can never be alive.

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What do you call a black man holding a stone with bloody hands A hard working stone mason

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What did the homeless guy say to the not-homeless guy? I'm homeless.

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I have a joke. Okay, tell me. Just kidding

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Morning wood.

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what do you call a Mexican driving a plane? a pilot you were probably to racist to work that out

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Twelve men walk into a bar, and get stuck in the door because it's far too small for all of them to walk through at the same time.

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when life gives you skittles you take a handful and throw it at someone face and yell taste the rainbow

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What do you call a giraffe driving a car? A danger to society.

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What's 9 + 10 19

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A drunk walks out of a bar gets in his car and proceeds to drive home the driver passed out at the wheel swerved in the wrong lane and smashed the car of the Jefferson family a young family of 4, the Jefferson family's car exploded into flames while the drunk sat back laughed and rubbed the wound on his head

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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