How do you sleep? With a knife I just saved a lot of money by switching to Geico......with a knife I'm going to the restroom, with a knife. How do you do a back flip with no hands? With a knife. What is 2 plus 2? The answer is 4, with a knife. Would like you like to go see a movie with me...with a knife? Today, I'm going to show you how bake a strawberry chocolate cake...with knife. I'm sorry, you have the wrong number...with a knife. Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side....with a knife. A man walks to a bar and orders a shot of vodka....with a knife. Omg, I just saw Miley Cyrus at the mall today....with a knife. In Soviet Russia, blah blah blah, with a knife. How many blondes does it take to screw a lightbulb? 1, with a knife. I'll be back in time for dinner, I'm going to the gym and work on my abs....with a knife.

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What's the difference between Jerry Sandusky and a pedifle? Nothing.

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What was Anne Frank's favorite hiding spot? She only had one, so she was unable to pick a favorite.

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What's brown and smells like shit? Shit.

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Your so dumb, you didn't notice I should have used you're. Don't lie

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Why do black men smell like horse poo? Because they showe horse shit in stables.

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Knock, Knock. Who's there? Nobody likes you.

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Duck A lays an egg which rolls into Duck B's nest. To whom does the egg technically belong to? Neither, ducks do not have the legal right of ownership.

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what do you get if you take the head off a duck and a monkey, and swap them over to the other bodies. 2 dead animals and quite alot of mess

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Thumbs down this! Please, i wanna see how many thumbs down this can get!!!

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What do you call a black man hanging from a tree? Breakfast

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Patient- Doctor, I am feel intense feeling for 15 year old pop singers!!! Doctor- Oh, sound like youve got Beiber Fever. Patient- Whew. I thought it was something serious Doctor- Its terminal, you have about 5 more days to live.

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what did the jew get for christmas? nothing jews dont celebrate christmas.

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Why did the plane crash? Because the pilot was a loaf of bread.

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Whats worse than biting into an apple and finding out you ate half a worm? Getting raped. Whats worse than that? Getting shot in the liver. Whats worse than that? Getting shot in the liver then getting raped.

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how do you get the high score on doodle jump? jump from platform to platform without falling or being attcked by various monsters.

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Whats the hardest part of a vegetable to eat? The wheelchair.

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Why did the man with no legs go into the shoe store?

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Q: Why are pine trees green? A: Time to get a watch

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Q: If a midget walks by a woman stops and says "your hair smells nice today" is it sexual harassment? A: Yes, sexual harassment is a very serious subject and should not be allowed no matter your race, religion, or size.

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Knock knock! Who's there? Sheryl Sheryl who? No seriously, it's me, Sheryl.

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27

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I'm a white rapper bro I do it all the time People don't like me cuz my words don't match

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Your momma is so old, it's just irresponsible of her not to have regular doctor appointments. Health should always come first.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops