It was okay, then Alice my friend and a nurse insisted (she can be a total bitch) I take a painkiller, of course that messed up my focus completely and threw off my hypnotic suggestion which I use to shut down the pain receptors. Ironically I cannot seem to shut off my allergy to dust. Oh, yeah it was the standard bullshit Mensa test, ten patterns or something, oh and while I am terrible at trivia, I am actually much smarter than a fifth grader, I mean one kid told me he was smarter because he could do math better than me and he could, so I choked the little bitch to death, who is the smartest one now?

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An owl and a squirrel were sitting on a tree branch. An acorn fell on the squirrel's head and surprised, the owl moved its head 3.276 degrees to the right. The squirrel apologized for the inconvenience, but the owl would not listen, so flew off to buy a ferry to help children with terminal illnesses get to school.

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What's 6 + 9? 15.

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what do you get when you combine an astronaut, a microwave and a bathtub? A suicide investigation

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Knock Knock Who's there? 9/11

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What happens when you spend far too much money in a gambling machine during a solar eclipse on a leap year? You get poor.

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Knock Knock Who's there? The Police. Come out with your hands up!

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how do you piss off a dyslexic? give him a crossword puzzle

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There once was a boy. On his birthday, he got a small puppy. The puppy was white and had big eyes. Boy loved his puppy and the puppy loved the boy.

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how do you have sex? i dont know im under age!

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When I meet the woman of my dreams, she wont know what hit her... Nor will the police.

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Your mom's so dumb she has cancer...... oh wait that's racist

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Yo momma so fat when god said let there be let he said get the fuck out the way!

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2001, 2 airplains fly into the world trait centers. the pilots then had their licences taken away.

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is this the krusty krab? no this is smooth lobster.

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Women age like a fine wine: sediment develops as they lose their tannins, and earthy notes of oak and mineral develop in their flavor profile, giving them a lengthened finish.

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Why couldn't the surgeon perform surgery? Because he was in court being sued due to the fact that he administered too much anesthesia to a patient, who later died of overdose..

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Why did the first monkey fall out of the tree? He died! Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? He was attached to the first! Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? He thought it was a game! Why did the fridge fall out of the tree? The branch broke! Why did Sally fall off her bike? She got hit by three monkeys and a fridge!

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What Batman said to Robin before they got in the car? -Get in the car Robin!

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whats wooden and hard a wooden floor

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A mailman walks into a bar He delivers a bill for the electricity and leaves.

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Why couldn't Lucy get her driver's license? Because she has Cerebral Palsy!

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what did the radish say to the orange i'm a radish

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The funniest thing about this joke is that by the time you realise it doesn't say anything its to late to stop reading it

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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