the other day i saw a mouse run across my floor. i said "okay" and proceeded with my life

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what do you call a black guy who flies planes? a pilot

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3 jews walk into a bar I lied it was a gas chamber

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Why did Susie fall off the swing? She has no arms. Knock knock. Who's there? Not Susie.

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Q:Why did Billy drop his ice cream? A:He was hit by a truck. Q:Why did the clown fall off the swing? A:He was hit by Billy. Q:Why did the clown's friend fall off the swing? A:He had no arms. Q:Why did the chicken cross the road? A:To get to Billy's ice cream.

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A. Why did John survive the plane crash? B. Because he was master chief and he is awesom although cortana did not which John is sad about naturally.

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What's the difference between Jackie Chan and Bruce Lee? Bruce Lee's dead.

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when I shaved this morning....... hairs went down the sink

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What is a vampires favorite desert? Vampires aren't real.

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Why is the kid over-weighted? Because he had to many calories in his diegestive system and he couldn't burn the calories

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What's the difference between a pizza and a jew? A pizza doesn't scream when you put it in the oven

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A baby seal walks in to a club... That's it. That's the joke.

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Why was the Nazi killed? for crimes against Humanity

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A guy walks up to a girl and says: " hey can I have your number so can I have your text you later?" she says " no" he says " why ?" she says" guess" He says " look if you don't like me thats okay, " he gets up and walks away, turns out she doesn't have a cell phone, she was gonna give him her house number to call.

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How is it you become the true badass you say? Its a very complicated process that takes decades of training, and many failed attempts on before you become the one, true badass on the entire planet. Once you had done it. People will love you forever, there would be parades, parties, celebrations, even a holiday, just for you and you alone. Too bad I'll never tell you.

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Q: What was Jerry Sandusky's defensive philosophy at Penn State? A: Get penetration and always cover the Tight End.

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Why isnt there a womens NASCAR? Because NASCAR does not yet have the funding to start a women's league.

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A: Knock knock B: Who’s there? A: The police B: The police who? A: Ma’am, your son is dead.

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A priest, a rabbi, and a Buddhist monk walk into a bar. They discuss their differences over a pint of beer and leave with a greater understanding of each other's faiths.

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What is black and gray? This rectangle and this text.

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If frogs weren't alive, there wouldn't be any frogs left on earth.

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What's 7+7? 14 you dumbass

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What was the reason for the confused looking woman staring at the can of frozen Apple juice for twenty minutes? Some cans are difficult to open: The little ring bit comes off when you pull it, and then you have to work out a new way to open it, which takes patience and ingenuity.

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How are you this morning?

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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