Once upon a cross

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A man has only two fingers on one hand, and everybody calls him two-fingered Mike. Why? Because his fingers were lost in a tragic accident at birth, and his parents, who were considering calling him Mike, decided to lengthen the name because it seemed appropriate.

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What happened to the lady with cancer?? She got shot!!

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What has two legs but can't walk? A quadriplegic man who lost mobility in his legs due to a horrific logging accident.

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What's worse than aids? Super aids.

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What did the bartender say to the bugatti owner? "Don't drink and drive"

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What happened to all of the happy birds flying over the field? They were all suddenly stricken by the bird flu and died.

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What's worse than giong to Hell? Nothing. Hell is as bad as it gets.

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Me and my pet lion just took a trip to his homeland of africa. It is also worthwhile to note I'm a chronic liar.

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Three women are on an airplane. One's a blonde, one's a redhead, and one's a brunette. Unfortunately, the plane was going to crash and there was nothing they could do but jump out and parachute to safety. So the captain said to each of the three ladies, "You can only take one of your possessions when you parachute out of the plane." The blonde says "I will take my watch becau--" But before she could finish her sentence the plane exploded because the flames on the wing had ignited the fuel tank. No one survived.

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What is funny about a child with down syndrome? Nothing.

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Knock Knock! Who's there? I am.

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Why was the boy embarrassed when he opened his parents' bedroom door? Because he had been trying the door for several minutes until he realized he was pushing instead of pulling.

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Why did the blond laugh at work? Because she farted. It was rather uncomfortable for everyone involved.

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roses are red i have a phone nobody texts me forever alonee lol

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Do you have liquid tape? No ( But he really did)

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Knock Knock ... guess nobody's home.

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Why did the girl fall off the swings? -because she had no arms

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Where was Andy Beckett WHEN THE LIGHTS WENT OUT? In the dark

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Why did the chicken cross the road Because it's a free country chickens are free to do as they please

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What did one child say to the other child? We both are kids.

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Why did the terrorist miss the flight he was supposed to blow up? He forgot his passport.

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Women's rights

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Knock knock. Who's there? Banana. Knock knock Who's there? Banana. Knock knock Who's there? You're in-laws. Bet you wish I said banana

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops