Why can't Kevin run with scissors? Because he killed himself.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Why did the Jew pick a dollar off the ground? He dropped it.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What part of NO can't you understand? The part where you pronounce the 'N'.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Your time.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What did the little girls who's parents died in a car accident get for her birthday? Foster Parents

thumb_up thumb_down +10

why was the girl sleeping on the ground? because she was dead

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Roses are Red Violets are Blue you have hemroids

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Knock Knock? Who's there? Look in the peephole

thumb_up thumb_down +8

What did the asian parent say to his kid when he got a D? -It's OK son, you will do better next time.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

A Jew sits down next to a muslim at the bar. They great and discuss their day's events, they both order beers. Then they go home.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

JEWS

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Why did the computer crash? Because the driver transporting the computer to his friend lost control of his vehicle.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Whats the differance between a preist and acne? Acne dosent cum on your face untill your 12

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Nipples+poop= good stuff. Hellllll yeaaahhhh

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Yolo: Your Oppurtunity Lies Upon...... oh, wait upon starts with a u... YOLU

thumb_up thumb_down +6

What is worse than something terrible happening to you? That same thing happening to me of course... Duh...

thumb_up thumb_down +6

What do you call a black man jumping off a bridge? Suicide.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What is the difference between assault and aggravated assault? Aggravated assault is aggravated, whereas assault is aggravated.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

what did the white guy say to the mexican? mow my lawn asshole

thumb_up thumb_down +4

how do you kill a zombie? Zombies arent real.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

why didn't little johnny show up to school on friday? little johnny died two months ago from cancer. he hasn't been to school in a year.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Robocop and T-800 where fighting, first the T-800 manages to injure Robocop critically, but Robocop manages to repair himself and break T-800`s legs off, which T-800 suddenly regrows due to an unexpected upgrade. After several hours of combat, where civilians are injured and half the town is destroyed they where both worn out, but ready for one last struggle... ...Eventually there was a great celebration for whoever won.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Why was the man with cancer bald? He wanted to tan his scalp.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops