Why did the chicken cross the road. grass was greener on the other side!

Q: What did little Timmy get from his mother this Christmas? A: The contents of her will.

There were 3 children: Flower, Petal and Fridge. Flower asked, "Mum, why is my name Flower?" to which she replied "Because a flower was the first thing to fall on you when you were born." Petal asked, "Mum, why is my name Petal?" to which she replied "Because a petal was the first thing to fall on you when you were born." Fridge said, "Herp derp dur" to which Fridge's mother replied "Shut up, Fridge."

Why do black people always sit in the back of the bus? There aren't any available seats in the front.

What did the vegitarian order for brunch. VEGITARIANS DONT BELIEVE IN ICE CREAM>

Why does the man have mayonaise in his pants? A: I don't know, I was hoping you could tell me.

How does Steven Hawkings refresh after a long day of work? F5

A Chinese, American, and German were all on the a boat sinking off the Border of the U.S. So the American called the U.S Coast Guard and they were rescued and taken to a nearby hospital. Two of the three members are still alive today and haunted by the memory of that day.

Why did the accident happen? The breaks on the car stopped working. Why did the breaks stop working? The driver was drunk.

Why was the boy sad? He had a frog stapled to his face.

Your momma is so fat that she decided to begin an exercise program and eat healthy and she lost weight.

OMG, I have a really funny alzheimer's joke. Your'e gonna love it! Uhh, I umm kinda forgot what it was now.

Q. What happened to the man that kept an open hand? A. He is in jail because he beat his family

roses are grey violets are grey either i am a dog or i am color blind i cant tell im deaf go die in a hole

What's worse than a worm in your apple? A Holocaust in your apple.

What's long and hard and full of semen? An erect penis at the climax of an orgasm.

Why does the girl get humped by a pig? Because she has sexual needs and no other more attractive animal, including an human wants to hump her.

What did the man do with his cat? he threw it in the garbage because he didn't like it

How do you know what to order at a Creole restaurant? Ask the waiter, they are usually familiar enough with the menu to make an educated recommendation.

Q Whats the difference between a pich fork with watermelons and a pitch for with dead babies stuck on. A The pitchfork with the dead babies were severly shot in the kidneys and then the heart. Blake

Wilson: would you buy lottery when you grow up Mattuew: no theres no point Wilson: ask Xiangxi right next to you Mattuew: xiangxi, would you buy lottery if you grow up? Xiangxi: Prabably not, because the chance of winning a lottery is lower than becoming an astronaut Mattuew: the probability of you winning the lottery is higher than you finding a girlfriend

what are you talking about. Nets are terrible. Lakers are going to be the best.

96 right now there mad at each other but pretty soon it will look like this 69

How can you treble the value of any Skoda car? Ensure its paintwork, upholstary, floor, lights, wipers, steering wheel, brake, horn, CD player, radio and clutch are clean and/or sound; fill its petrol tank, oil, brake and winscreen wiper fluid reserves; fit a roof rack; include a red triangle, a fire extinguisher, a blanket and a first aid kit in the sale; take out comprehensive insurance and pay a year's road tax and MOT before selling it.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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