A blind man walks into the door of a bar

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What's the hardest part of the vegetable to eat? The wheelchair

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? He was dead.

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A man was chopping wood, he then brought the wood to his house and lit a fire.

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what did the schizophrenic get for his birthday? new friends

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why didn't the dog run after the ball? he was blind.

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Whats yellow and shaped like a banana? Bananas

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What is both dead and alive at the same? nothing, thats scientifically impossible you fool

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A hayride would be fun.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it was dead and therefore unable to escape the Chick fil A bag it was being carried in.

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Why did the police stopped the black driver? Because one of his car's lights was busted.

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Jingle bells, jingle bells, Jingle all the way Oh what fun it is to ride in a poop poop fart turd fart, dildo

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Why was the gay kid made fun of........... because he was homosexual who was struggling in life

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Whats round, hard, and full of seaman? Well in the context I'm using it in, a submarine, but too the inappropriate mind when spoken out loud, could be registered as the homophone of seaman, semen, which would then lead you too think of male genitalia.

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Knock knock. Who's there? Get in the van, or I'll kill you.

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I went to see a fight and all of a sudden a hockey game broke out.

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What's sadder than the Holocaust? Not a lot of things because it was probably one of the most depressing series of events that happened in the 20th Century.

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knock knock. no one's home..

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why was the man itchy? because he had herpies

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all ur antijoke are belong to us or i mean we can share, whatever

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a horse walks in to a bar and the bar tender asks, "why the long face?" The horse doesn't respond because it is a horse and is confused by its surroundings and then gallops out of the bar knocking over a few tables as it makes its escape.

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Man 1: What kinds of phones do snails use? Man 2:I don't know, I don't think they do. Snail: The snail said nothing, snails don't speak.

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Why was John the octopus depressed? Because his real name was Steve, and he couldn't communicate this to anyone since he lacked the higher brain functions and vocal chords required to do so.

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Your mommas so poor she can't afford food for her child. Thats you.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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