There was a little boy in kindergarten who really had to go to the bathroom. So he asked his teacher if he could go to the bathroom, and she told him he could go at snack time. The little boy really had to go to the bathroom, so he asked his teacher again, and like before, she told him to wait until it was snack time. The little boy had to go very very badly and asked the teacher one more time. This time the teacher said "if you can say the alphabet, then you can go to be bathroom" so the little boy got up all his courage and started off with "A,B,C,D,E,F,G,H,I,J,K,L,M,N,O,P,Q,R,S,T,U,V,W,X,Y and Z." Then the teacher said,"good job" and let him go to the bathroom. When he went there was a man waiting in the stall who brutally raped and murdered the boy.

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your mama is so fat that she weighs 261 pounds.

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123457

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What’s green and eats nuts? Syphilis.

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Q: How many cows does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: Infinite, cows do not have thumbs, in fact, they have hooves. This disables them from holding any large objects without the use of their mouthes.

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Why was John the octopus depressed? Because his real name was Steve, and he couldn't communicate this to anyone since he lacked the higher brain functions and vocal chords required to do so.

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How does one propagate a humorous reaction from peers and associates while not utilizing such characteristics as whit, jocularity, substance or auspicious punch lines? That's what she said.

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Who's fat? Holly Davis.

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Why did the murderer buy a lizard? He thought that they were cute.

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A man walks into a bar. "Excuse me sir," he asks, "may I have a beer?" "No," says the bartender.

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What's orange and rhymes with parrot? Carrot

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What did the priest say to the child.... nothing he just gripped his arm tightly and pulled down his pant

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Roses are Red Violets are Blue I like to sniff your hair when you are asleep.

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What's the difference between a duck?

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What's green, red, and goes fifty miles an hour? A frog in a blender.

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What did the gay man say to the other gay man? “How was your day?“

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Why did the airplane crash? Because the pilot was a loaf of bread.

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The economy.

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Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? Nobody because a sponge is not a who, it is a what.

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a fat girl walks into McDonalds....

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A jew, a black man, a muslim, an atheist, a christian, a catholic, a roman, a russian, a cuban, an english man, a horse, a cow boy, a gay, a lesbian, a dancer, a teacher, a father, a mayor, a politician and a fish are in a bar. Now that's one crowded bar.

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What is purple after you stroke it a lot? An eggplant

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What did one platypus say to the other? Whatever noise platypuses make. I'm not sure. I am sure that they lay eggs though.

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A horse walks into a bar... Horses are not indigenous to China.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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