What did the lady with Alzheimer's do yesterday She can't remember

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When life gives you melons. You're not dyslexic because you can probably tell the difference between a lemon and melon because they look so different.

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What's the difference between a Mexican and a bench? One is a structure used to support sitting people, the other is a human being native to Mexico.

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Roses are red Violets are blue Black people are black They are inferior

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Why did the father smash his sons head into the dentist's building? Because he had a locker in his mouth. Also, equestrian.

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One day, an Irishman, a Jew and an American were walking home from a long game of golf. "God, that was a long game" said the American, to which the Irishman replied "aye, that it was." The Irishman then turned to the Jew, and asked him how he managed to get two birdies in succession. The Jew, after a moment of deliberation, began to explain. "Well, it all began when I was six. See, there was a mountain right next to Casparia, the village I lived for most of my life back in Wales. Every day, I'd come back from school, and ask my dad why nobody ever attempted to scale the mountain. 'To do so would be an unnecessary risk, son, and people are too busy working to put food and water on the tables for their families to undertake something so foolish.' One night, when insomnia was getting the better of me, I decided to get a better look at the mountain, so I strapped on my boots, my fur coat and some woolly mittens and left for the mountain. After a few hours of walking, I approached the closest hill which gave me a perfect view of the mountain's first peak, and there I spotted a polar bear, mauling a hiker to death." The Jew paused to check the Irishman and the American were following, when the American spoke up; "hold on there, there aren't any polar bears in Casparia!" The Irishman also spoke up; "there isn't even a village called Casparia, well, anywhere!" The Jew smiled slightly, and a few seconds later the smile broke out into a gigantic grin, and he finally replied: "exactly".

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why cant ben cry, because i gorged his eyes out with a popsickle stick.....

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You're flying above the Kansas Ocean, you lose your brakes and have to paddle all the way to shore. How many dogs can you fit on a carousel? Blue, because Ice Cream is cold.

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Hey, I just met you And this is crazy This song doesn't rhyme PENIS

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What has two legs and bleeds between them? The back half of a dog with a deep cut in its belly.

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What did the oncologist say to his patient? You have terminal cancer.

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this joke is funny so dont read the rest even though there is no rest

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What did the fireman say to the people in the burning house I'm going to use this water for my sprinkler rather than saving your lives. I might as well use this for something more significan, like my lawn.

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What did the Jewish man get for Christmas? Jews don't celebrate Christmas, therefore nothing

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What's sad about four black people going over in a cliff in Cadillac? It was my Cadillac.

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A man and his son cross the street, the man hears a screaming noise and ignores it, the man gets across and notice his wife missing...

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Why did the man yell at his wall? Because it jumped out and scared him when he walked past

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A Mexican walked into a bar. He never came back out.

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Hey! What dhujv hushichk jgdwrggy man? Go home Sally, you're drunk

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What do you call a man with no arms? A: A Man with no arms.

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Why did Suzie fall of the swing? Because she had no arms. Why did she fall of the second time? I pushed her.

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What do you get when you cross a rooster with a cocker spaniel? Nothing, because roosters and Dog's don't mix.

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Dan walked into a jelly fish

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Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? Because they lactose!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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