Roses are red Violets are blue Last night I came home to find my entire family murdered....

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Why are plants green? Plants are green due to the chloroplast organelles found in their cells. These membrane bound organelles are exclusive to plant cells and are used to convert sun light to usable chemical energy. This energy is stored in the form of ATP molecules, or adenosine triphosphate. When one of the three phosphate groups of an ATP molecule is removed, the molecule releases the energy put into this bond and becomes ADP, or adenosine diphosphate. Throughout this process, the organelle fulfills its sole function and at the same time gives plants their green color our eyes perceive today.

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What did the psychiatrist say to the man when he walked into his office naked and wrapped in saran wrap? I can see your 'nuts'...

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Knock Knock. KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK. ANYBODY HOME?

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How come the black man couldn't be seen on film? He could be seen on film, he's not a vampire.

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If life gives you lemons, give them back. They were probably stolen, and even if they weren't, lemons are a pretty shitty gift to give someone.

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Q: What's the meaning of life? A: Look in a Dictionary.

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What's the difference between a joke and an anti-joke? I don't know man, but you touch yourself at night.

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Knock Knock Who's there? Orange Oranges don't talk

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How are you this morning?

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What's brown and sticky? Poop.

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Husband: Shut up, there is now playing for Real Madrid Woman: So what? come help me clean. Husband:after the game,now shut up. Woman:Everyone knows Barcelona better... Police: So you're saying your wife fell on the knife alone?

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Why were there only 5,000 Mexicans at the Battle of Alamo? They only had 1250 trucks.

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How do you get a one armed blonde out of a tree? Wave to her.

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What's green and falls fom a tree? A dump truck. I lied about it being green.

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What did the deaf, dumb, blind kid get on his birthday? Cancer.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Yes.

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Hey you want to here a joke? I can't think of one

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When life gives you skittles, throw them at random people and say "taste the freaking rainbow!"

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When does the narwhal bacon? When the universe looses its realism to the point where every animals' meat is bacon at a certain time, and a person hunts a narwhal at the crack of dawn when there is a triple rainbow and the narwhal's DNA is combined with a pig's just long enough for the meat to be bacon when the person shoots it.

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You

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A little boy asked his mom what fucking was, so she showed him.

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Chuck Norris is a regular human being, just like the rest of us.

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How is it you become the true badass you say? Its a very complicated process that takes decades of training, and many failed attempts on before you become the one, true badass on the entire planet. Once you had done it. People will love you forever, there would be parades, parties, celebrations, even a holiday, just for you and you alone. Too bad I'll never tell you.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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